This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center, on the web at sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Confidence and true nature is expressed in Siddhartha. It's not the same as confidence in electronics or confidence in what you know or what you think is true. It's not the same as confidence in something that you can believe. So sitting zazen is going beyond all of that or maybe coming home to some original

[01:04]

a place before all that. Someone was asking me something like, what should they read or study for this Hashim? And I said, no reading. So... Zazen, and particularly Sashin, is an opportunity to set aside the things that you usually depend on. It's helpful to discover, you know, what you usually depend on. And what you usually depend on will be coming up in your mind, maybe as a kind of restlessness. during Sashim. So for the next few days, this is a rare, wonderful opportunity to simply express true nature, simply express your own Buddha mind.

[02:17]

So there's a story about a Yunju, the disciple of Dengshan. This is founder of our lineage, Dengshan, in China. Yunzhu went away from the monastery a little ways up the mountain and built himself a little hut and sat. And then he didn't show up. for meals. Day after day, a week, 10 days, he didn't show up for meals. And so when he did show up after about 10 days, Dongshan asked him, well, why haven't you been showing up for meals? And Yunju said, well, I've been sitting and heavenly beings come regularly

[03:29]

And give me food. And Dengshan said, heavenly beings. He said, you know, I've been saying all along that you're an extraordinary person. But still, you come up with things like this. Come to my room tonight. And so that night, Yunju went to Dengshan's room. And Dengshan said his name, Hut Master Ying. And he said, yes. And Dengshan said, so don't think of good. Don't think of evil. What is it? What is it?

[04:34]

So then Yun Zhu went back up to his hut and sat peacefully. And pretty soon the heavenly beings couldn't find him. No more heavenly beings. So they stopped coming around then. After a while. So this practice is to sit with complete confidence in original mind. Original mind. True nature. Not so easy. So it's good to have some, I think, some support. some guidance. So in case you need some guidance, I want to offer a couple of thoughts.

[05:40]

This week, I'd like to encourage people to focus particularly on alignment and generosity. Alignment and generosity. I don't know if those are such good words, actually, for what I mean, but I'll say a little bit about what I mean. Alignment and generosity, there may be some kind of dynamic relationship which we can explore. But to begin with, not to disregard the basic instruction in sitting. So taking care of posture is the first thing. When you sit, compose yourself and take good care of your posture and pay attention to alignment.

[06:43]

So in Dogen's instructions in the Phukans of Zengi, he says, your nose should be aligned with your navel and your ears and shoulders and hip should be in alignment. So it's good to check and see, you know, are you centered? So the feeling of being in alignment is like some vertical line from the zenith right through your body to nature, right to the center of the earth, like there's a line. So you're in alignment with gravity, grateful for gravity. It's good to remember to be grateful for gravity sometimes. You might feel oppressed by it. You might feel that things are kind of heavy.

[07:47]

But gravity helps you align. So you might imagine a carpenter uses a a plumb bob, a weight at the end of a cord or string that just hangs. And it hangs in relation to gravity. So there should be this feeling, actually, of some substantial kind of connection with the Earth. So you're in a physical alignment. Your body is in alignment with gravity, with the earth. And with that, then, there's a sense of lifting, lifting your head upright into the sky. Not so unusual for living beings to have this relationship, right? Earth-sky relationship.

[08:55]

Mitsu Suzuki, that's Suzuki Roshi's wife, wrote many haiku. And one she wrote, here at Green Gulch, one summer, goes like this. Beans sprout straight, nothing to grasp. Burning sun. Maybe hard to imagine today, burning sun. Sometimes there is sun here at Green Gulch. So on that day, evidently, some burning sun. But I'm thinking burning sun has to do with a sense of intensity. That there is intensity in enlightenment. So the bean sprout, a simple bean sprout, knows how to grow straight.

[10:04]

Bean sprout straight. In relation to earth and sky. Nothing to grasp. So she says, nothing to grasp. As soon as there's something grasped that's not straight. So if you catch yourself grasping at something, you may notice how that affects your alignment. So being in alignment is not grasping. Being completely in alignment is to let go of any desires. Nothing to grasp. Bean sprout, straight. So, I myself am just inspired by bean sprouts.

[11:10]

Redwood tree. You know, we may make special trips. People make special trips to Muir Woods. to see the redwood trees growing straight, and of course they are impressive. They're just doing the same thing as a bean sprout. Redwood tree, straight, nothing to grasp. Burning sun, cooling fog, day after day, breath by breath. So then our practice is to be in alignment with the breath body. When you begin to pay attention to alignment, you realize there is actually no such thing as alignment. Alignment is, I don't mean some thing. There isn't any particular state of being in alignment.

[12:23]

Maybe it's more that this is the practice of aligning, ongoing practice of aligning, of paying attention to how to find what's upright in the midst of changing conditions. So then you may notice that the breath is a changing condition. So finding this alignment in the midst of a breath that keeps changing is this practice again and again of coming into alignment. And then noticing that alignment is in relation to the next thing. So I just mentioned being in relation to gravity.

[13:26]

Very important. But then alignment is in relation to changing conditions. Alignment is in relation to the breath. So how to align with the breath is to be with the breath. So I actually suggest a practice of counting the breath. It helps you. It can help you to count the breath. Because it helps you to find the breath. Breath after breath. And making a particular to focus on the out-breath without grasping it.

[14:36]

To let the breath be completely free. And at the same time, have your full awareness. This is actually not easy. It takes a great careful refinement of your attention to stay with the breath. And as you make this effort to stay with the breath, you may begin to see that there's a place of choice. This is where human beings have a place of choice, to be present or not. To be present is to find freedom. And to not be present is to be living out your karma.

[15:41]

Actually, to be caught in replicating karma. Replicating patterns that you've made or others have made and imposed that have been adopted and And that for some reason you may prefer, you may prefer those patterns to being present. So this is then a study of the other side then, is the generosity side. Is then to be generous with your wandering mind. In other words, to be willing to appreciate that your mind does what it usually does. Your mind tends to do whatever you've been doing.

[16:53]

And you sit here, day one, day two, day three, you have a choice right there to not go with your wandering mind, but at the same time appreciate it. So this is a subtle point, to appreciate but not grasp. To appreciate but not grasp means that you actually have confidence in Buddha mind. Not just your small ideas. Even... The great idea, even the greatest idea, still nothing really compared to inconceivable Buddha mind. So each time you find that your mind wants to go someplace else or your body wants to lean a little bit, you have a choice.

[18:01]

To return to the breath itself. Now. Where you experience the breath this moment. Not some idea about the breath. So this is practice and we sometimes say concentration. Concentration is just to help you. Help you be who you are. So it takes some real effort, and counting the breath will help. So if today, again and again, you count one with the in breath, one out breath, two with the in. So it's one complete breath, in, out. Three, ah, three. So counting that way, and then you may notice, oh, there's a tendency, a little pull, you want to start thinking about something.

[19:11]

You may think that one to ten is boring. And so it's better, it's more interesting to think about something. Maybe if I think about something, I'll be able to solve my problem. If I can just... figure it out. But fundamentally you don't have any problem. You have complete confidence in Buddha mind. So don't get caught up in thinking that you can think your way out of some just fundamental problem. This is Sashin is a chance to sit right in the middle and appreciate it. So appreciate what wonderful things that your mind comes up with. To keep your familiar world.

[20:25]

Keep your world familiar. The voices that explain things in your mind. the voices that compare one thing to another, the voices that compare this to that, to give them their space and not grasp them. This is essential art to my practice. And it's the practice of generosity. So that means to let your mind come and go, your thoughts come and go. You don't ignore them. You don't pretend they're not there. Let your emotions come and go. Oh, I'm beginning to feel some irritation. Or I'm beginning to feel some other state.

[21:27]

So not to ignore that. I'm beginning to feel some... tightness in my left knee. So not ignore it. But also don't be disturbed by it. To simply be present with it. And then you begin to notice that things are suddenly changing. So quickly. It's amazing and hard to keep up with. You may begin to be aware of the body's impermanence. Even as you breathe in once and breathe out once. Millions of cells in your body are dying. And millions of cells in your body are being born.

[22:31]

Every cell in your body. And there are trillions of cells in your body. Someone may know. I remember reading it once, but I forgot. But there are trillions of cells. And each cell has to be receiving some nourishment. with the breath. So when your breath is coming in, it's actually nourishing each cell. And each cell is also releasing what it doesn't need. It's waste. And some of that is, we say waste, but it's an offering, right? An offering back to the universe. So with the out-breath, millions and trillions of cells, you know, and each a million of them maybe and some millions of them are actually dying and more are being born and old bits of your skin are sloughing off.

[23:57]

So you're not the same person that you were at the beginning of the breath, right? You're not the same person. So to be willing to fully appreciate that, be willing to continue to find your place in alignment with this changing, dramatic changing. This is fearless practice. So not even to depend upon heavenly spirits. Yunshu was depending on. Oh, maybe even delighting. Maybe even becoming attached to his unique status. Being nourished by heavenly spirits. Dengshan, pretty tough teacher.

[25:00]

Wouldn't let him rest on those laurels. Wanted him to actually be free. Wanted him to actually be peaceful. Not holding on to anything. So, I remember I don't know if it was my first or second or third seshin or something. I was really making a great effort. And I went in for doksan with Katagiri, Katagiri Roshi. And Katagiri looked at me and said, He said, oh.

[26:04]

And he leaned over like this. He said, you're sitting like this. And he jumped up from his seat. For some reason he had ducks on. There was maybe five feet between our cushions. This was at City Center. He jumped up and he came over and pushed me up straight. And I realized that I didn't even know where I was. I didn't even know where my body was. I was thinking that this was sitting up straight, really making an effort. Probably a lot of tension in my body. Probably a lot of difficulty. And right now I'm sitting, this is hard to breathe here. So, you may notice various tensions in your body.

[27:07]

And so appreciate them. Bring generous spirit to them. So are there any questions so far? Yes? So did you say, can counting the breath be a mantra? Counting the breath as a mantra? Hmm. Appreciate that. It could be. It could be.

[28:14]

And I think it may be helpful at some time to use accounting as a kind of mantra. And then go beyond it. By going beyond it, I mean to put emphasis on the experience of the breath itself. So it may be helpful. So one understanding of mantra is mantra can cut through the discursive mind. So it may be helpful to have that. And more helpful to return your awareness to the precise understanding moment of this experience. Where do you feel the breath in your body? Thank you.

[29:24]

Yes? Yeah, that's a good question. That's a very common experience. So... What? Yeah, kind of... Well, when you think... When you consider that we're often... We kind of think we're awake because we're stimulated with various... Either inactivity or... whether it's physical activity or mental activity, it's stimulating.

[30:30]

So we have a kind of stimulated mind. But that mind is something that we're also letting go of. Those habits of mind that are familiar. So then, okay, there's this phase, I'd say, of deepening your practice where you tend to get sleepy. It's a very common... very common challenge for people who sit. Kazon writes a great deal actually about how to wake up, how to keep yourself from dozing off. And so there are various things that you can work with to help yourself, to encourage yourself to wake up. And I'd say first just bring attention to your posture again itself. And lift the top of the head.

[31:33]

And so this brings the chin back a little bit. Usually when we're beginning to go into a dreamy mind or a dozing mind, one of the first things that happens is this. There's a little bit of drooping in the head. The chin comes forward. So you can actually work with attention to the chin slightly back. This helps. And you might renew your attention on the counting. That actually you're not going to really say, I'm not going to lose track of number two. And the breath is going. So you're letting the exhale happen and there's number two, and you're waiting to see what happens next. You never know, that might be it.

[32:35]

So there's a suspense factor. If you actually cultivate the thought of not knowing, actually don't know, so you're staying with this don't know, If I stay with this breath and it fades out, I wonder if there'll be another breath. So the suspense is so intense, actually, most people can't stand it and go to sleep. So another practice is to actually just open your eyes wide. So maybe if you have successfully counted to three, at three you can open your eyes wide.

[33:45]

Raise the eyebrows and kind of reset. And then let your eyes relax again. Let your eyelids relax. Khezan also mentions going to the practice of bringing your awareness here to your forehead. Maybe that tends to be awakening rather than having your inner, your focus more here. So you might try that. And then of course you can go out drink King Him and splash cold water on your face. So, you know, there are various ways. But inevitably, people will still, you know, get sleepy sometimes. And then just when you notice, or when you notice you're sleeping, then make some, as soon as you notice it,

[34:55]

Come back to your posture. Come back to your breath. Eventually you'll wake up. Or if not, that effort is most important. Just to come back again, again and again. A little effort to be present. Right now. Yes. Well, you did.

[36:00]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What's your question? Okay. Okay. Two questions. Maybe three. Thank you. So even to say heavenly beings, you may have some... Some thought, heavenly beings might be good. Hell beings, you're being nourished by hell beings, might think, oh, not so good.

[37:22]

So, sitting zazen means to not hold on to some idea of heaven, hell, prefer one or the other. Whatever state arises is to be appreciated, but not grasped. So whatever state arises, what is it? What is it? Just to have that kind of open-heartedness. Oh, what is it? So I know kitchen people are going to prepare lunch.

[38:28]

Thank you very much. So, it's a... You know, I said, this is fearless practice. Fearless practice. So that means, you know, not to fear any particular state that comes up, any particular experience that you're having. But of course, you notice fear coming up. It's actually a big issue. Behind everything, all the other thoughts and ideas about the future and the past, there's some deep fear. A deep fear is actually what's keeping you from being peaceful.

[39:34]

And so we tend, of course, a very, very deep wish to prefer what's comfortable. To prefer heaven over hell, if you will. And so we find ourselves sometimes sitting and it feels like hell. This must be what hell feels like. So there's no... None of these Buddhas and ancestors have become Buddhas and ancestors without being willing to sit in hell. Being willing to sit in hell, being willing to sit in heaven and not take advantage of sitting in heaven. To not take advantage of that, actually.

[40:40]

To appreciate it but not grasp it. And to sit in hell without rejecting it. Not trying to push it away or get rid of it. So what is simply, what is it now? Oh. How's that? for your question yeah how long how long can a leg stay without feeling without with a sleep leg and your leg asleep or numb yeah

[41:50]

So, yeah, so it happens sometimes sitting that leg goes to sleep. And so when you end the period, it's helpful to take a little time to wake up your foot, wake up your leg. Don't try to stand on it while it's still completely asleep or you might injure yourself. Generally, a leg going to sleep is not causing harm. But you have to learn from your own body. At some point, something may be actually causing harm. So then you should change your posture if you need to. If you need to change your posture here when you're sitting satshin, Put your hands together, do a little bow, move your leg, whatever you need to do, and then resume sitting still.

[43:00]

There is a way in which you can, if there's pressure on a nerve, it can actually cause numbness to persist. That's a little different than your leg going to sleep. So usually that's preceded by feeling intense pain. pressure on the nerve the intense pain and if you don't then shift so you're not putting pressure on the nerve that you can actually kind of have the feels like it kind of just shorts out the circuit from that nerve I don't know the medical terminology for that but anyway it's like that and then there could be numbness that persists in your leg for a long time So I've done that. I don't recommend it. So pay attention to if you're sitting right, so you're putting pressure on a nerve where it has that intense pain and you don't move, and there's a point at which that can cause the whole nerve stream to go numb for some period of time.

[44:19]

Like for me, there was a whole section of my leg went numb for about six weeks and gradually returned. So anyway, I don't recommend that, doing that to yourself. But normally the leg kind of goes, sometimes the leg goes to sleep and then it helps when you're getting up to pull the toes back like this. And that actually kind of stimulates the reawakening of the foot, of the leg. Okay. Yeah. One more. I have this question and then we'll conclude. Please. So yeah, there are many ways in which the way you are sitting on your cushion can contribute to like going to sleep.

[45:43]

So if you're sitting on the edge, you should be sitting on the edge of the cushion. But it also may be that if you sit, if you have a little different cushion, if you have a support cushion, raise your seat a little bit. That may work better. Sometimes the way you're sitting, just a slight adjustment of the legs, even a quarter of an inch difference will make a difference in whether the leg goes to sleep or not. So you can experiment with that, with how you're sitting and pay attention to alignment right at the base so that your pelvis sits. Your pelvis should sit on the on the cushion, so that your sitting bones are clearly firmly on the seat, but that there isn't necessarily pressure on the thigh around that.

[46:51]

And then your pelvis can be in, let's say, a neutral position. It tilts naturally, tilts a little bit forward, and then your vertebrae line up. naturally from that. So as you sit and remember, remember the thought, oh, align? Am I in alignment? And come back to alignment. It begins with legs and your sitting bones on the cushion. And I'd say, during the course of the Sashin, you may experiment on different ways of sitting. different ways of having your legs crossed. If you're sitting on a chair, the chair also, it's actually, you can sit more on the edge, sometimes having a cushion on the chair so that you're in the best position to be in alignment and take care of your body and then as you're

[48:06]

As you're centered, then you'll notice that your breathing can open up. And your breathing can be free, unhindered. Okay, so let's do some Zazen. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our programs are made possible by the donations we receive. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support. For more information, visit sfzc.org and click giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[48:58]

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