forth as much as you can of love, of respect, and of faith. Listen to the perfect wisdom of the gentle Buddhas taught for the wheel of the world, for heroic spirits intended. May all beings be happy May all beings be at peace. May all beings love one another. May all beings be free. Call forth as much as you can of love, of respect and of faith. Listen to the perfect wisdom of the gentle Buddhas.

[01:00]

taught for the wheel of the world, for heroic spirits intended. May all beings be happy. May all beings be at peace. May all beings love one another. May all beings be free. These are the opening lines to the Prajnaparamita Sutra. And I heard them many years ago at Green Gulch. And then that sort of started a love affair. I think we could repeat that two or three times and then bow and go home. There's a lot in there. So... Good evening and thank you all very much for coming.

[02:03]

I'm going to say a few words and then I hope that we can have some exchange. So if some of you have questions that either pertain or comments that pertain to what comes up or something that wasn't brought up, please feel free to engage. But for now what I wonder is what is this peace and freedom and where do we find such a spot? Actually, it's really hard, what I've discovered in a way, is that it's really hard to know how to live. And it's kind of an unspoken question. In a way, there's an assumption that maybe we know how, and that makes it harder to really find the how. We think there's something we should do which is different than a how to live. And... I think this life, actually, my experience so far, if someone knows something different, you can let me know.

[03:10]

I didn't come with instructions. So we're living in this great mystery. And today I noticed a couple people asked me what I would be talking about. And I noticed a couple times I said, enlightenment. So that was a little scary. So what is this enlightenment? What is this? May all beings be at peace. May all beings be free. What is our freedom? Where do we find our freedom? Freedom from what and into what? And in a way, enlightenment is kind of an odd word or maybe kind of not such a great or useful pointer because it sounds like a point in time. And I think actually maybe awakening has more process to it. And it is actually an evolution. And what do we awaken to? What is this perfect wisdom of the Buddhas?

[04:13]

And if you notice, it says the gentle Buddhas. So as I say that, I'm just remembering a story. We'll do a little stream of consciousness here that Norman told once. When I lived at Green Gulch, there was a time when we were re-renovating the zendo. And so everybody had to move out and we were in this huge tent. If anybody's been at Green Gulch, it was out on the lawn. It looked like a big circus tent. And so Norman was giving this, Norman Fisher was offering a Dharma talk and he said, what was the sum total of the Buddha's teaching? And I thought, oh, my God, I've heard this before, but I can't remember. I'm going to get ready now. And in my body, I felt like I kind of leaned into it, because I thought, this time I'm going to get it. And he said, non-contention.

[05:18]

And I sort of had this experience of falling backwards. Like, I hadn't heard that before. So I think that's the spirit of these gentle Buddhas, this non-contention, this putting down the struggle and the fire and the fight. I think my experience is that this freedom and this peace and this liberation has a spaciousness and a coolness to it. my personal experience and my experience with people that I'm practicing amongst is that we're all very familiar with following our thinking. And we know this pathway of following our thinking very thoroughly. And so the training is actually toward stopping and stillness and witnessing and presence.

[06:21]

And I, maybe tonight I would... also say this is like following into not knowing or mystery, to mystery, and to being comfortable with that. It all sounds great, you know, on paper until something, until some great demon of yours, and we all have our demons, shows up. So I've been living and practicing within Zen Center since 1991. And one of the things I've discovered is that I have not grown any smarter. But the one thing I feel that has been the most useful and that I would say tonight, just speaking towards this point of awakening or liberation, peace, freedom, is don't believe your thinking. And don't believe in your mind, don't invest in your mind, don't invest in your thinking.

[07:24]

It's not that you won't think or that thinking isn't useful, but to really invest in it is like, and I've been studying it this summer, is like cultivating a certain kind of arrogance. Like somehow, I don't know, you know, I mean I think the smartest person on the planet still doesn't know everything. So what is it to really cultivate the mind of curiosity, of questioning, of stillness? And some years back, I came across this little, I'm calling it a factoid, that there are 64 mind moments in the blink of an eye. So, 64 mind moments in the blink of an eye. which really points to the fact that there's more going on in us and with us than actually you can even imagine.

[08:29]

So we don't know. And what is it to walk and live in the midst of not knowing? I'm just going to follow this thread of enlightenment. And I'm going to read to you... passage that came from a book called Attaining the Way, and it's by Chan Master Sheng Yen, who just died last year. I think, was it last year? Was it February? Last year. We say the mind is a mind monkey or a thought horse because like monkeys and wild horses, the mind is very difficult to tame and control.

[09:34]

Enlightenment is not possible in a state of scattered mind. Only when you collect your attention again and again from wandering and achieve a peaceful and focused state will you have a chance of attaining enlightenment. This is taming the mind monkey and reining in the thought horse. Many people go on retreat to get enlightened. Someone asked me, please help me experience enlightenment. But if I could give you enlightenment, would this be my enlightenment or yours? I can teach you Buddhadharma, but awakening to the knowledge of the Buddhas requires your own cultivation and realization. There is hope of opening the wisdom eye, of breathing through the same nostrils as the Buddhas of the past, present, and future, only when you stop the deluded mind and shatter the self-referential view of body and mind and world.

[10:46]

To become enlightened, you must uphold discipline and intensively cultivate meditative concentration. Some people may say, that way is gradual. I want sudden enlightenment. Since I have been directing retreats, I've met too many people who are in a great hurry to find enlightenment. When I ask why... Many say their problems would vanish once they become enlightened. I tell them that the more they hurry, the longer it will take them to become enlightened. Some people even demand of me, are you enlightened? Was it sudden? Was it gradual? Did you do it on your own or did someone help you? To all such questions, my answer is not to answer. If I say I'm not enlightened, you will ask me what I use to guide people.

[11:51]

If I say I am enlightened, there is nothing I can tell you that you can hear or see. So what is the practice on the way to this presence of returning to the now, to the now, to the now? And we have the great good fortune in this valley to have this zazen practice to show up to zendo. That's one place where we just sit down and let it rest. Well, that's the ideal. You sit down and let it rest. Then there's all the times when the monkey mind is, or my monkey mind, maybe some of you are past that, just carries on. And what do you do then? What do you do? What have I done? So one of the things that I noticed is that in the early days we talked about counting breath.

[12:56]

And we don't count past ten. And part of it is that it's not a competition. It's just a way to keep returning, right? Well, I noticed that I couldn't count to ten because I would always get lost. But I did figure out that if I could count to three, three times in a row, I was almost there. And by the time I got to three, three times in a row, over and over again, pretty soon I could get to four or to five. And then it would go away. But as soon as it goes away, then you notice that you've gone away and you come back. But I also notice, so that's one way of working with showing up. In the zendo, there's posture, breath. But then there's when you get up and you're on the path, right? And you're walking to the bathhouse or to breakfast. So what is it then when you can't really so easily, or I can't so easily stay with your breath?

[14:04]

So how about, do you know which foot that you're stepping on at the moment you're stepping on it. And you can start that from the moment you get up in the morning and go to wash your face or get dressed. It's like walking in the zendo, right? Left foot over the threshold. It's not exactly magical, but it It means that you know where you are in place, in time, in a given moment. So is this gradual or sudden? The Buddha, his main instruction was just stopping, right? You know, how do we stop the stories in our mind?

[15:11]

Our minds are often, there's a metaphor about the mind is like a pool or an ocean or a pool of water. And even if you go to the plunge and you see that it's very still, you can see the trees or the rocks or the hills so beautifully reflected in it. But as soon as you move and the water starts moving, not so clear. The images are still there, but it's kind of a little bit distorted. Sorry? So is our mind. When our emotions start to run away and we get excited and we think, we think we know, we think we're right, this is like a distortion in the pool. For a while I had a poster on my wall, and there was a woman in a very bright tank top, and her arms were like this in front of her, and the caption underneath was, Don't go there.

[16:30]

I'm walking around and I'm starting to see things that are starting to disturb my mind, and I just visualize myself. Don't go there. And don't go there. You know where that goes. We know where that goes. And usually that kind of disturbance does not lead to clarity and pretty much, in my mind, has not led to any kind of wholesome listening or compassionate response. You may have some other tools. I'd be happy to hear what other people have to say, but just stop. Don't go there. The other day I was walking up the path, and I don't remember what story I was starting to get wrapped up in, but there was a story running. And I found that I could just say to myself, story, kind of with every step, story, story, story.

[17:39]

I didn't even know that story was happening anymore. But what is it to just... You know, emotions have a very short lifespan. Actually, they have a very short lifespan. It's only when we grab onto them that they kind of stick around and then they build some momentum and then we think we know who somebody is and what's happening and what's the next thing, what should be done. Anyway, it's not even the next thing that's happening, but what should be done. And I think that basically to understand that waking up to the way things are comes out of that stillness, really seeing how things come to be, and pretty much how we are part of the confusion that's happening. And when we take full responsibility for that, clarity begins to happen, or begins to dawn. Maybe I would put it that way. So it's very hard to know how to live in this

[18:44]

perfect wisdom, I would call this perfection, in terms of how we're speaking now, is this feeling of kind of an alignment or a rightness. It's not a lean. In our emotional states we've got a lean happening. So this perfect wisdom is sort of this upright, not leaning, not overly engaged investment in our story is this perfect wisdom of the non-contention, just not struggling with what's happening. And I noticed that in that opening lines of this perfection of wisdom it said, it said, for heroic spirits. So I would say, you know, we do this

[19:46]

Yeah, it's not so simple. It's not so easy. Or it's simple, but it's not so easy. And we have to do it again and again and again. And we have one of our great ancestors, Prajnatara, says, breathing in, not getting involved in myriad circumstances. Mm. What's the breathing out? Breathing out. How does it go, Kokyo? Body, mind, breathing out, not dwelling in myriad circumstances. Thank you. Breathing in, not dwelling in body, mind, breathing out, not getting involved in myriad circumstances. I recite this scripture hundreds

[20:47]

thousands and millions of times over and over again. So we didn't grow into this confused state overnight, and we probably won't grow out of our confused state overnight. So what is the way that you will develop this great patience So I've been thinking about the word enlightenment myself in these last months and I was thinking actually it'd be a great slogan for Weight Watchers, right? So what is it that becomes lighter, right? What are we lighter of or from? And I think really we become freer from our stories.

[21:50]

Our stories and our way of thinking and our burden of knowing is heavy. It has a weight and it has a gravity. And I think the more that we let this go, the more that we just open, open to what's happening, the lighter we are. I think plasticity is a word that's kind of coming into use a lot these days. So we become more flexible and have more plasticity. This is an element of this non-contention. I guess in a way what I would say is our work is to harmonize our body and mind and to stop ourselves from getting in the way. And this awareness of how suffering, which is what the first turning of the wheel was, the Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths, and the first one is the truth of suffering.

[23:01]

So really studying how does this suffering come to be? How am I getting in the way of finding happiness and peace and freedom? And when we understand what happens inside of this one, then we have a chance at understanding what happens inside of what seems to be those ones out there. And then actually working for the benefit of beings, which I think in some sense, or in a complete sense, everyone who's gathered here in this valley is about, in some way or another, our great good fortune has brought us here to working for the benefit, not only of ourselves, but for the benefit of the world.

[24:08]

I think there's an instruction. So tonight we've just kind of talked a little bit about returning to the breath, staying in your feet, saying to yourself, stop. Don't go there. Story. and then you can come up with your own. But living in this valley with each other, and we are all really, at different times, different ones of us are really aggravating to each other. And these are our great... We have many aggravating moments, right, with others. And these are our great helpers, because we need to see where we're stuck, where we're clinging to ourselves. So... Another one of our great teachers wrote a poem called The Song of the Grass Hut, and it was written by Shurt Toh.

[25:27]

And I really appreciate the last lines of that, which I think pertain to what I've been trying to point to tonight in terms of practice. And the closing lines of that are, let go of hundreds of years... Open your hands and walk innocent. Thousands of words, myriad interpretations are only to free you from obstructions. If you want to know the undying person in the hut, don't separate from this skin bag here and now. So this brings, this to me is also a pointer, you know, to really dropping, letting go in a sense, but also an appreciation for all the circumstances that come across our path to help free us.

[26:38]

Great appreciation for this great good fortune to be in this valley, to be in this life, And I'd say sometimes I have a hard time making contact with that. And so what I invite myself is to be willing to be willing to appreciate if I can't get to appreciation. I'm willing to be willing. I'm moving in that direction. This is how I want to go. And then one day I'm willing. And then one day I'm in, or one moment maybe, I'm in appreciation. But when I'm not, at least I could say I'm willing to be willing to drop it. And so I want to appreciate Kokyo-san for giving me this opportunity to speak to the Assembly. And I want to appreciate Blanche Thambaugh.

[27:46]

being a great friend and good teacher over the years. And I think a couple of teachings that I received from Blanche. One, what does a monk have to offer fearlessness. So, really understanding our fears, what makes us afraid, not separating from that. I can understand fearlessness. And the other that I've really appreciated and has helped me a lot is gambake, which I understand is, keep going. So when you get discouraged, keep going.

[28:48]

It seems like nothing's happening, but keep going. What's the alternative? So I'm getting ready to leave this valley. I've been here for about 11 years. and thinking about really what I had to say about the time here, about my time here, and the appreciation is really to separate from not believing my thinking so much. It brings, to cultivate a greater humility and this willingness to step into the mystery, because I don't really know exactly what's happening next. I don't really know what it's going to look like.

[29:52]

And even if I did think I knew, I noticed that I keep getting phone calls and then it changes again. So mostly it's just cultivating this spaciousness of curiosity. And I'm interested to have people who are interested in curiosity go along with me. So thank you. And to Leslie James, who's not here, has been a great teacher, and Kalyan Mitra, which is a noble friend on the path, one who helps this one and others towards this enlightenment. Anyway, I wonder if anybody might have a question or comment or would like to share their experience.

[31:00]

We have about five minutes, I think. Based on your unknowing you, my experience is that well I don't know first thought is best thought but here we go When I was about 31, I was actually pretty seriously contemplating ending my life. So I went back to bed and I pulled the covers over my head and I thought, I'm not getting up until I can find a reason to keep going.

[32:16]

At that time, while I was lying in bed, I was taking everybody's inventory, finding what was wrong with everybody, and there went the list. And then when I got to the end of the list, I said, okay, now you put yourself on the list. So I could see what complaints and criticisms I had about myself, but I could also understand what was happening behind the behavior, actually. And somehow in that moment of really understanding that I was trying to do the best I could, I understood how everybody was pretty much doing the best they could. And if they could do it differently, they would. So I think somewhere that went in. I mean, I forget that everybody's doing the best they can at times, but I feel like that's kind of a touchstone that I go back to. And I'm really interested in people.

[33:17]

You know? And I want us all to... Yeah, I want everybody to be happy. I don't know. Does that work for you? Yes? So when you chant story, are you bringing light to a particular moment, or by chanting 10,000 times, are you closer to something than you were in 1991? When I'm chanting story, Yes, I think when I'm chanting story, it's not so much light as not getting involved.

[34:27]

And what I'm closer to is actually being present for what's happening than the story that's kind of separating me. Because pretty much my stories, anyway, are either kind of located in the past or grumbling about something in the future or worried or whatever. And so for me, it's closing the gap. And I think what I'm closer to is being open to what's actually happening and to surprise, instead of my version. Instead of my version, yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. lunch just asked me how I'm doing with fearlessness.

[35:44]

It's like playing basketball and I'm dribbling down the court and sometimes I put it down and sometimes it comes back. Maybe by the time we get to the abbot's cabin, I will have made a basket and let it go for the evening. So thank you all very much for coming. I would be happy to meet anybody on the path and hear any further comments or maybe you have some instruction. I've still got the two hands open. And I hope that Tassajara continues to nourish you. Thank you very much.

[36:55]

May our intention equally extend.

[37:02]

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