So I think most of you know that we've begun a study of the koans that appear in Suzuki Roshi's set of lectures called Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. So this title, the title of that book, is taken from a phrase, as Suzuki Roshi mentions in the prologue, this Japanese phrase or term Shoshin. Shin is mind or heart mind. And Shou is beginner. So this is a... highly honored role in the path of Zen. Beginner's mind all the way through, all the way down. So he also says in the prologue to this collection that the goal of our practice is always to keep the beginner's mind. The beginner's mind is the mind of compassion. When our mind is compassionate, it is boundless. If you start to practice Azen, you will begin to appreciate your beginner's mind. It is the secret of Zen practice.

[01:20]

So we're all very lucky. I think we all probably think of ourselves as beginners in this ancient tradition. I certainly do. And without any sense that this is going to get very far. So I'm pretty content knowing that at this point. So then following the prologue, in part one of Zen Mime Beginners Mime, which is called Right Practice, there are nine lectures with titles such as Posture, Breathing, Bowing, Control, Mind Waves, Mind Weeds, The Marrow of Zen, No Dualism, and Nothing Special. So these are the lectures that we're going to be looking at over the next few months. And like a little Easter egg hunt, looking for those koans, seeing what we can find out about why he used them, what inspired him, and where they came from.

[02:23]

So the last two classes of this month, I talked about the lectures on posture and on breathing, and I highlighted the koans that are embedded in those talks. So the first talk is a koan credited to Master Lin Ji. in Chinese or Rinzai in Japanese. And Linji tells his students that if you meet the Buddha on the road, kill the Buddha. A little shocking. But it means that if you imagine that awakening is somewhere or someone outside of yourself, that this is merely an illusion, you know, like mind flies. And that those illusions need to go, you know. like whisk in the face, kill the Buddha. And then the second lecture, Suzuki Roshi quotes a teaching by our Soto Zen founding ancestor, Chinese Zen ancestor, in Chinese Dongshan and Japanese Dozan. And that story is adapted from several poetic verses that were written in China during the centuries prior to Dongshan's becoming, well being born for one thing, and coming into his own understanding.

[03:35]

The verse that Suzuki Roshi uses in his lecture is, the blue mountain is the father or the parent of the white cloud. The white cloud is the son of the blue mountain. All day long they depend on each other without being dependent on each other. The white cloud is always the white cloud and the blue mountain is always the blue mountain. So this teaching verse, or koan, can be seen as a metaphor about the relationship between our Buddha nature, the blue mountain, the vastness, the solidity, the presence, and the white clouds, which are those delusions that appear to separate us from who we really are. We are the children of the blue mountain. So this verse is somewhat reassuring in that it tells us it's okay. to see ourselves as independent from the objects of our awareness, while at the same time to know and eventually to realize that we are also dependent, you know, both sides, both sides.

[04:49]

One side's illuminated, the other's dark, independent, dependent, you know, over and over again, balancing these two dualistic notions, bringing them together as to one realization, one understanding. So, in truth, we are really nothing other than the objects of our awareness. It's something I really enjoy contemplating, just by looking around. We are nothing other than the objects of our awareness. The clouds and the mountains, the rivers, the animals and plants, other people, planets and stars, and so on. The list goes on and on and on. From beginning of time to who, what and where, we are today. February 25th, 2024 or so we've named it. A unique name and a unique time in a non-repeating universe. There will not be another February 25th, 2024.

[05:53]

So as Tozan said on the occasion of his own awakening, don't seek from others or you will be estranged from yourself. I now go on alone everywhere I encounter it. It now is me. I now am not it. One must understand in this way to merge with being as is. So all of these teachers are really pointing at the same things, you know, the human mind and the human misperceptions about our place in the universe, our belonging which we tend to believe we don't you know this sense of not belonging of not of being isolated or alone every one of these teachers is trying to help us to shout out you know you're not alone you know you are all one we are all in this together no other possibility so this next chapter that i'm going to be looking at today is called control

[06:56]

such a great and tempting concept and it's a very important concept in our study of how to practice in the midst of this non-repeating universe so the message from Suzuki Roshi that begins this lecture on control he tells us to give your sheep or your cow a large spacious meadow is the way to control them to give your sheep or cow a large spacious meadow is the way to control them And then he says, to live in the realm of Buddha nature means to die as a small being, moment after moment. When we lose our balance, we die. But at the same time, we also develop ourselves, we grow. Birth and death, we die and then we are born. There's a new life, Shinmei. over and over again, moment by moment, day by day, throughout what we call our life.

[07:58]

So whatever we see is changing is losing its balance. And the reason that it all looks so beautiful is because it is out of balance. But the background is perfect harmony. So this is like the ultimate truth. All-inclusive reality and then there's all the little things that are wiggling around in front. of our vision, you know, blocking our vision, the clouds and the mind flies and the disturbances of many kinds, you know, out of balance, in the background of perfect harmony. If you see things without realizing the background of our Buddha nature, then everything appears to be in the realm of suffering, of discontent. But if you understand the background of existence, you realize that suffering itself is how we live. and how we extend our life. In Zen, sometimes we emphasize the balance or the disorder of life, one or the other.

[09:00]

Sometimes we emphasize balance and sometimes we emphasize unbalanced or disordered. Disordered with delight, as Norman said in one of the verses of the Buddha's birthday pageant we used to do for many years out on the lawn there at Green Gulch. If any of you have ever come, it was a wonderful thing. Anyway, disordered with delight. This is our practice. When we work with other people, he suggests the best policy is to let them do what they want and to watch them. As a parent, I thought that sounded somewhat counterintuitive, to let them do what they want and just watch them. I'm not sure I ever really tried that as a parent, but maybe if I ever do it again, I'll give it a shot. But I did try to control. my child and I must say not very successful actually probably better when I was not around she was figuring things out quite nicely as she does now as an adult so best thing is to let them do what they want and watch them to ignore them however is the worst policy yeah and the second worst is trying to control them

[10:12]

And then he says, to just watch without trying to control also works best with ourselves, with the workings of our own minds. Just watch your mind without trying to control it, as if you could. Sometimes I say to people, well, just try to control your mind. That's another approach. Go ahead, just try. Try to stop those feelings or try to think of something else. And pretty soon you realize you're not in control. You have no control. Sometimes I like the image of, you know, these little kids get a steering wheel, like in the car. They have their own little fake steering wheel there. It's kind of like that. We all have these little fake steering wheels, and we think we can actually drive the car. And we just keep turning the wheel and be very intense as we sail down the road. But actually the wheel's not attached to anything. It's just this great effort we make to control. So many people over the years have asked me, you know, what to do when they're sitting. course you know what to do while we're in the zendo silent and still for you know an hour and a half in the morning six days a week and I used to say a lot of things and I used to do a lot of things in answer to that question I count my breathing from one to ten I did that for great many years I would explore my posture

[11:32]

You know, all the parts of my posture. I would check for the alignment of my arms and my legs and my spine and my head, my ears. I studied the jhanas, the trances, and so on. Anything I could get my hands on or my mind on, you know, from the ancient texts, I would give them a try. And so now, after all those many years of trying things, I just watch. And I suggest that the students just watch. as these images and sensations and ideas emerge from out of the darkness of not knowing of the unknowable and into the light of our conscious awareness you know it's constantly this is a stream of of illumination coming from out of we don't know where so here it comes coming from out of the dark and into the light you know right there in front right before my eyes there's another image another sensation another thought Another rebirth, being born again and again into the light all day long, in non-repeating universe.

[12:37]

So eventually you begin to see there is nobody there. There is no agent of control. There's no there. Then no there there. Just amazement, you know, just amazement. And then Suzuki Roshi says, the true purpose of Zen practice is to see things as they are. and to let everything go as it goes. This is how we open up our small mind to realize our big mind, that is, everything. So if you want to understand the true meaning of Zen in your everyday life, you have to understand the meaning of keeping your mind on your breathing and your body in its upright posture of Zazen. Just kind of full-bodied awareness. It's allowing your whole body, which kind of radiates, kind of an electrical feeling. If you try to just be aware of your whole body, you know, of the breathing and the warmth and the moisture and all of these what are called the Mahabhuta.

[13:46]

We're made up of the four great elements. Fire, that's the warmth of our body. And earth is solidity, our bones. And air, you know, our breath. And water. lots of water sweat and saliva moisture so those are the four great elements being aware of ourselves as the four great elements so i think what our dear teacher is saying is that when we find our place right where we are we begin to understand the true meaning of our life how that what we call time goes from present to future We can see that, or we think we see that. Time going from the present to an imagined future. But also we can see how time goes from future to the present and from the present to the past. So what we call time is actually like a whole lot of different things that we think and imagine and remember and plan and so on.

[14:51]

Time is sort of like the weaving. the loom the great loom of creation back and forth the shuttle weaves our life and Reeves incorporates all of these various forms of spring creation okay so that's what we see we see creation itself and it for us it's a lot of images and thought images and pictures that appear and sounds and all of this stuff we all we have the same set we all have the same set of experiences, just how to organize our thinking around what's actually happening, what's going on for us. So Suzuki Roshi in this chapter then quotes Dogen, who said that time goes from the present to the past. Time goes from the present to the past. And then he tells the story of this famous warrior, the Japanese warrior from the medieval ages, period of Japan, who was sent to the northern provinces and was killed there. But before he left, the warrior's wife had written a poem to her husband who had gone off to fight.

[15:55]

She said, just as you unreal the thread from a spool, I want the past to become the present. I want the past. I want you alive. I want you when you were here to be here now. You know, oh, the pain of that longing, the poetry coming from that longing of something which can never come back, will never return. the past coming to the present. And this is what we long for, often. It seems so familiar, you know, longing for what is gone to return, as if we just wished hard enough, you know, long enough, that maybe we would be young again. That's fun to think about that. Or we'd be happy again, like we once were in the summer of 83. Or maybe we'd be wealthy again, if we ever were, you know. And whatever else it is that we think we've lost, you know, that longing, just longing. I think I told you that I, very early on in my years of practice at Green Gulch, Ed Brown was still living there and teaching there regularly.

[17:02]

I went up to see him in a practice discussion and I said to him, what about this longing? And as I looked up, he just started to laugh, you know. And after a while, I started to laugh. We both just laughed, and then I left. And I kind of took care of that question. What about this longing? Yeah, it's pretty funny. What about that? The thread, you know, unreeling from present to past. So I think you also, many of you probably know that story, which often occurs to me when I think about longing. I read when I was young, probably in high school, Dickens' novel, Great Expectations, in which this terrifying character, Miss Havisham, is kind of the... you know, what stayed with me all these many years later was Miss Havisham. And what was she doing? She was left at the altar by her suitor, you know, many, many years ago, maybe 50 years ago.

[18:06]

And then she spent the rest of her days sitting up in the attic of her great mansion in her yellowing wedding dress with the rotting wedding cake by her side. And I was like, now that's scary. Wouldn't that be the worst if you just got so caught in something that hurt you or disappointed you or some unrequited love, that longing that you never went into your life again. You never started again. You were never born again. You just let yourself die, you know, at that time. Kind of a living ghost. So, to be avoided. And that was the big message. I remember thinking, oh, I don't want to do that. I don't care what happens. I don't want to do that. I'm going to get stuck in regret. and revenge, which she also did quite a bit of, or tried. So this is one of the better examples of what happens when we devote our lives to unreeling the spool of the past to the present, of unreeling the present from the spool of regrets.

[19:09]

Suzuki Roshi also quotes another Zen teacher who said, to go eastward one mile is to go westward one mile. So there's our koan. To go eastward one mile is to go westward one mile. So I invite you all to think about that a little bit, and I'm going to say a little bit, and then we can talk about it. So the first reference I found to this koan was written by a chatbot. I went online, and there was, I looked at, I said, who said to go eastward one mile is to go westward one mile, and up came this chatbot. who said this. I thought this was amazing. This Zen saying reflects the idea that sometimes the journey itself is more important than the destination. It suggests that the act of traveling, regardless of the direction, can lead to personal growth and understanding. It's a reminder to focus on the present moment and the experience gained along the way, rather than fixating solely on reaching a specific goal.

[20:18]

Well done. Well done. So that was fun. I said, wow. And then I found some quotes and some comments by what may actually be human beings, and it's going to get harder and harder to tell, as we all know, and suggesting what it might mean, this saying might mean. And some of them said it means not being stuck in our conventional understanding of time and distance. in which we are able to find ourselves where we truly are, which is always right here and right now. You know, to find ourselves within the ultimate understanding of reality, as opposed to the conventional understanding of reality, which is eastward and westward and northward and southward, you know, so on. All of these created ideas of time and place and location. So in other words, there is no such thing as going one mile. No such thing as going one mile. You can't go one mile.

[21:21]

You can take a step, and then you can take another step. But that's about it. Right foot, left foot. Right foot, left foot. So there isn't anything such as, you know, east or west. Where is that? Where is that on the globe? How would you find it out there, out your window? How would you find east or west? These are concepts that have been created by humans. They're handy. They can be very useful. But they are merely fingers, you know, pointing, fingers of language, pointing at the bright moon of the present moment, right where you are, right where you are, pointing at something outside of yourself. Kill the Buddha. So the moment in which language has no time or place to take a hold of it, at all, the present moment. Language can't catch the present moment. So another way of saying this is, wherever you go, there you are.

[22:23]

Wherever you go, there you are. On your feet. Or as Tozan said in his verse, merging with being as is. Merging with being as is. Uji. From Dogen's fascicle, time being. Just one word, time being. So this way of thinking suggests that the journey itself is more important than the destination, as our chatbot says, more important than getting somewhere, more important than measuring our successes in terms of miles or directions or years or accomplishments. So last week, just not last week, yesterday. Sorry, time is already unreeling. I mean, unrolling, unwinding. Yesterday, I celebrated my 76th year on planet Earth. Thank you, thank you. I have really enjoyed the day, and now it's gone. That year will never come again.

[23:25]

I'm working my way toward the next year, hopefully, of my life here on planet Earth. But I did notice in passing these, you know, in these passageways as you go through them, a lot of reflection seems to be happening more and more. The tendency to reflect on my life in terms of milestones, you know, going westward, going eastward, you know, leaving home as a child and going to college and traveling and then finding Zen practice and now retiring. So it's like, whew, you know, that was quick. And each of those memories is so clearly being dreamt by someone who, quite honestly, I don't really know. I don't really know. There is a dream dreaming us. Which reminds me of Bodhidharma's response to the great emperor of China when he was asked, who are you facing me? And Bodhidharma said, don't know. Don't know. Such a profound and true answer. So these koans are pointing to our human tendency to dwell in thoughts of the past, you know, westward, or of the future, eastward, and in doing so to miss out on the vibrant present in which there are no signposts of any kind, you know, just this is it, in all of its vastness and vibrancy.

[24:46]

You probably also remember that scene which came to mind also when I was thinking about idea of direction. In The Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy goes and finds the Scarecrow there, you know, hanging on the post, and she asks him, and she realizes he can talk, as everything seems to be able to do in Oz, which is the way to Oz? And he says, well, you can go that way, or you can go that way, or you can go both ways, you know? And I think he falls off the post, or they help him off the post or something. But anyway, it's sort of like, yeah, you can go that way, or that way, or you can go both ways. It's really, whatever way you go is the way that you go. Only one way. There's a saying that the bodhisattva's vow is a 10,000 mile long iron road. One way. A one-way road, 10,000 miles long.

[25:51]

So... This thinking about direction also reminded me of the difference I once read in a really interesting article between navigating and wayfaring. And this article is about the Polynesians who took off in these amazing boats on the open ocean and not knowing what they were going to find. They weren't navigating. They were wayfaring. And, you know, when you're wayfaring, you use your senses and your intuition to study the world as you travel through it. You don't have instruments that tell you the direction or the distances that you've gone and so on. No radar or sonar or, you know, no compasses. You just, maybe off over there in the horizon, there's a big mass of clouds, which clouds are around the blue mountain, right? So that might be someplace we can go. We'll go follow the clouds. kind of what we are called on to do follow the clouds to the mountain follow the delusions to the mountain you know of your true nature so there is in this world thanks to our ancestors to all of them we have been left well-worn trails through what we call the wilderness into the woods into the woods

[27:16]

I think that the Buddhist teaching is very much like a wilderness, in which each of us finds our way at whatever pace and however far we choose to go. There's so much there and I'm so grateful to have had companions on the way. I never felt particularly like going alone into the woods, so I'm very grateful I've had comrades, Zen comrades. This is more true for us than what it says on our clocks or on our calendars, this wayfaring. More true of how it is when we are sitting upright and still on the surface of this tiny planet Earth. That's where we are. Sitting on the surface of this tiny, tiny planet. Which is why East is East and West is West. and knowing which is which may or may not help us.

[28:19]

So little by little, in this way of seeing ourselves in this world, we're hacking away at our conventional way of thinking. This is kind of what this does, kind of breaking it down or deconstructing our usual way of thinking. We're beginning to see ourselves in the world or maybe unsee ourselves in the world that leads us to a more perfect freedom, the freedom of don't know. Don't know. Don't know is so much bigger than know, than what we know. So I wasn't able to find out who it was that said to go eastward one mile is to go westward one mile, although I did try. As I mentioned, I did find the chatbot. He didn't know either, or she, or it, or they. But I do know that it was Suzuki Roshi who added to that quote, this is vital freedom. To go eastward one mile is to go westward one mile. This is vital freedom, he says. So, and then, having said what I just said, that I couldn't find the source, I, just before I came on, just now, I went and checked my email again, since I had sent off a message earlier to my friend, my Dharma brother, Taigan Leighton, asking him if he knew where that quote was from.

[29:38]

And I just got this response, which was so delightful. He said, This chapter of Zen Mind Beginner's Mind is one of my favorites. A while ago I had the realization that all illusions of control are traps and to let them go. But believe it or not, I do not know the source of all Zen sayings off the top. so he's so modest i think he knows most of them anyway i do not know the source of all zen saints off the top but i do have resources so i checked with my friend stephen hein and he didn't know that one exactly but in a blue cliff record case it says to see the north star look to the south to see the north star look to the south and then he said if i hear more i'll let you know so I feel like I'm cheating, you know? It's better than any chatbot is having Tigat Leighton and Stephen Hine willing and happily willing to help us in our exploration of these stories, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind stories.

[30:51]

So now I'd like very much to hear your responses to this East and West or anything else that you have on your minds for this evening. And please, Be welcome to come, come and chat. Whether you're from the east or the west, some of you are east of where I am and some of you are west. How about the Easterners? Okay, there's a, you're east. Hope, okay, here's one from the East. The West Coast. That's right, we're the West Coast. I hope. Hello, Sangha. I'm so happy to be here. I don't have any well-fleshed out or sophisticated idea of what this means, but the thing that comes to mind for me is

[32:01]

is that nothing exists separate from everything else all the time. And the idea of taking one step in one direction or moving one mile east, that also kind of including everything, including the West. Everything is accompanying everything else all the time. I don't know if that makes sense, but that is what comes up for me. Well, you know, Zen doesn't make a lot of sense, but I agree with you. I think that's how we know we're on the right track. It's not making a lot of sense. But I think you did make sense. And I think that the East and West are conjoined twins. No East, no West. You know, you can't move along that spectrum without taking them both with you, right? As you just said, you're going East, you're taking West with you. Yeah.

[33:05]

So, yeah, I think that's good. I appreciate that. Thank you. Good, thank you. Ah, there's another Easterner. Hi, Gi. Trying to unmute here. Hi, Fu. Hello, Sangha. So good to see you. I can share what I originally would think of when I read this. And in examining those thoughts, I think the koan works in itself. But essentially, when I would think in a globe, right, of traveling east, if we see from our perspective, But if we just look from outside the globe, it's West, right?

[34:06]

If we're thinking in the concept of a circle and of just movements. And then I think about all those thoughts that I just tried to create. Yeah. What were all those words? East, West, the world. Yeah, just spin around a few times. Exactly, exactly. That's what I was still doing, right? Yeah, just like the world, just spinning around, just spinning around us. Yeah, that was what's so wonderful about when I read this, it was like, oh, of course, exactly. And then our mind, the way that we try to create things, right, try to create the logic and not sit in not knowing we... imagine even more beyond the simple imagination of it in zen allows us to flip it right right back right and and remind the more that we watch the more we're reminded that uh we're so liable to create structures on stop on top of structures that we believe are deconstructing structures right the golden chain

[35:23]

places the iron chain i know it's so tricky it's just like that whisk is so handy you know just we're all doing that yeah or a warm hearted smile i like that too i kind of prefer that i like it when my teachers just smile at me like sure that sounds good Let's go have some tea. Go wash your face. That's one I try to remember. But there's something so wonderful of that instruction. Now I'm more recently reminded of just drop everything and sit zazen wholeheartedly. What does that mean? To sit wholeheartedly. To go east, to go west. all tied in knots and then sit sit like a knot you know upright knot just not knowing there's the knot of not knowing and i don't know what why this sparked in me as well how uh i remember suzuki roshi saying that even though we're still the tile polishing school right

[36:43]

What tile? What are we working so hard? But let's keep polishing that tile. Keep trying to work with these. I'm fixing to make a Buddha. Exactly. You keep working on that. There's a lot worse things you could be trying to do. That's right. I said that once to Rev. Is this fast enough? I think I told you that. Is this fast enough to save the world? He said, well, it might save it from you. Keep polishing that tile. Because, you know, our life does depend on our effort to go east or go west or know which way we're going. It does depend on that. And also, we don't need to be fooled by that. I mean, that's the gift of this liberative language is that we get so tight. in our effort and our wanting to fix things and make it right and save all beings from suffering and you know and then we're pretty much get lost get lost in the woods so i think it's wonderful that we have this this uh you're just fine right where you are with what you're doing it's just fine just fine thank you fu thank you gi always

[38:05]

And there's Kosan. Hi, Kosan. Yep. Hello, Fu-sensei. Hello, Sangha. I'm very tired as I am in the 11th hour of packing. I apologize for the slurred speech. But what came to mind when you invited questions and then hearing Hope and Gi, was my own personal foolishness, which is I pick out a place in the horizon and then I go like crazy in that direction thinking that's the way. And I realize when I get there that I've only just kind of gone to that side of that of the big iron road. I'm just kind of like bouncing between the, what do they call them?

[39:11]

The, those filled guards. Yes. Thank you. That they put on the side of freeways. I feel like I'm just bouncing between those two thinking I'm going purposefully towards a direction, but really I'm just traveling the way and there's really no There's really no getting off the path, if you will. Every decision you make is part of that path. And I get really obsessed with, did I make the right decision? Did I make the wrong decision? But in maybe larger perspective, it's all just kind of bumper cars down the road. Yes, yes. And you're not alone on the freeway. We're all doing that, right? Trying not to bump into everybody. Trying not to bump into each other. Doing our best not to tailgate and not to bump into each other and to, you know, to get safely home. I mean, that's what we want, really, to get safely home.

[40:12]

And then you try it again. You keep trying it again. And, you know, we don't know what the impact is of our effort. But I think there's really no choice but to make an effort. To really try your best, you know, and check into your heart. What am I up to here? Why do I even care? Is this for the benefit of all beings? Can I get that idea? Can I lock that in? I want to do this for the benefit of others. I want to do this for the benefit of others. And how is that showing up? How am I showing up with that intention? We forget. It's so much of our humanity is about forgetting, forgetting why we're here. what what gifts we have to offer you know so we remind each other that's our job here is to keep reminding each other you know i know why you're here oh good so i'm glad somebody does yeah we'll keep track of you i've got a little list let's see close on oh yeah i've got your mission right here thank you welcome hi kevin

[41:24]

Let's see if this works this time. Can you hear me? Yeah. Perfect. What came to my mind initially was perspective. I would acknowledge both the relative and the absolute within the same. So if I was to walk along the beach in an eastward direction, so to speak, and then I look for my footsteps, they're now to the west. So I've gone to the east and to the west and all the same. And to ask myself, does that make sense? and I don't know, and then not knowing, yet I know. So it's, and that also helped me out in this moment, I believe, because I was like, that doesn't make sense at all. I'm pretty sure I have the wrong answer, but to have the wrong answer is to have the right answer also. So that was, gave me the courage within the anxiety to speak up in this moment. Thank you. I can see it makes you smile, which is a really good sign. and frown at the same time.

[42:30]

Thank you. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you so much. Okay. Yeah. Lovely, lovely. Alrighty. It's gonna be an early evening for all of us, which is just fine. Anyone else want to go east or west or straight ahead, right straight on? It's another option. Oh, hi. Hi, Marianne. Hi, Fu. Hi, Sangha. Thank you so much. I won't delay. But one of the things I thought in this koan, it really tricks us, I think. There's a trickster in the middle of it because we are thinking to go. We're thinking to go ahead, to move forward. And then to go, it's to go one mile west. And I think Kevin had his put on it, you know, the fact that we're moving from the west.

[43:31]

And so basically it's telling you to stay in the presence. That's what I'm thinking. I mean, so, but our mind immediately to go one, well, yeah, let me get up. Let me pack my bags. Let me go west, go east. And so then it confuses us because it tells us again, but you're also going west. So that whole idea of, again, as, as, as, You have taught us and we reflected on this notion of really being in this moment, February 25th, 2024. So that's what just came to me. Yes, and it won't be back. Right. What a treasure. What a treasure. You know, how can we keep honoring the gift every day? It's another day, you know. I love that. Thank you, Boo. Thank you, Sangha. Is that you, Ying?

[44:32]

We're hearing some beautiful Chinese. No. I saw her son earlier in front of the camera and doing something. He made a little face and then I saw her walk over and reach around and must have muted it. I can't control them. You know, you can try. We were all uncontrollable kids, weren't we? Not you, but you were. My mom would probably say I'm still completely out of control. One thing that just came to mind again with what Marion was saying was saying is to just go. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Just, just go. Let's go. I gotta, I gotta go. Where are you going? I don't know. Well, what does that mean?

[45:35]

You, you, you can, you figure out the details for me. There was a woman who came to Green Gulch many years ago who was quite ill. When she arrived, I think she was in the terminal phase of her cancer. And she was really grateful to be with us, and we really cared about her. And eventually she was bedridden, and we'd visit with her. And I remember sitting there and... She'd been a coal miner, she'd had an editor of a paper up in the mountains, she'd done all these things. She was quite a powerhouse as a human being throughout her life. And so while she was laying there, she was pretty much losing, kind of delusional mainly. But she kept saying, I gotta go, I gotta go. And she tried to get up and go, I gotta go. And we were just holding her and saying, where are you going you know you don't have to go you don't have to go anymore you can stay and it took quite a while but eventually she stopped saying that I gotta go and she laid back and she relaxed and within a few hours she was able to pass away but that urge to go is so strong there isn't even a destination go where where are you going I gotta go I just gotta go I

[46:59]

She went, finally. Yeah. There's a similar story. My best friend's grandmother at the time was something similar, or I think it was grandfather, where his son had to come after many days of the same place, right? It's almost as though the body is ready, but the mind takes the longest. And it was right after the... the son said, like, you can go now. You've given us everything. We can now take care of, I can take care of my sons and my children. It's time to go. It's okay, right? And just like that, it's the next step. And what about this longing, right? Yeah, about this longing, yeah. So sweet. We're so sweet at the core. What it gives you a little suspect. To have... what a gift to be able to long, right, to be in this body and to have loved and to be grieving.

[48:07]

It's powerful for me to say it, but it really is a gift, right? There's a whole picture. We can't leave any part of it out, right? And if we turn away from it, that's the worst strategy. Turning away, touching, turning away and touching are both wrong. It's like a massive fire. so that's reality it's like a massive fire that we're all facing you know it's like and how to na how to navigate you know we don't really know what we're doing it's just but there's the fire every day the light of the sun and mystery great mystery kevin i see your hand again thank you gi gi gi yes I had a thought where, as we mentioned, got to go and traveling one mile to the east and to the west. Is it really possible to travel anywhere, go anywhere when we think about time being?

[49:08]

Because in that next step, I'm no longer the person that initiated that step, if you will. So by the time I've arrived, I didn't arrive. It's a new being for that time being. so so can one really travel where can one go i think you're right on just here is where we are and here's where we're going you're the child of your grandparent you know you are the father of your child so the one that's born at when you arrive is the child of the one that left so there's a there is a link there is a cause and effect link which is it's an illusion you know but it's still the illusion that we live by understood yeah so we need that otherwise we kind of be just standing there for a very long time i can't go i can't go i can't retreat i can't so we have to go you know we have to do it but i think getting clarity about that as you're doing is very helpful you know not to get stuck any place just know that you can you can keep rolling you can keep you know address and meeting what's happening what's coming and that that's the freedom

[50:23]

than not knowing. I don't know, but I'm here. Yeah. So almost in a sense, not that there's no movement or progression, but there's almost an evolution or a recomposition where there's some continuity, there we go, continuity within, but yet it's not the same one arriving that initiated the journey. Right, that's what's so mysterious, isn't it? I don't know. Yeah, that's very mysterious. And Nagarjuna talks about that a lot. If any of you ever want to take a look at that, the way he plays with that, the way you're doing right now, Kevin, is so interesting. Because he says there is no motion for the same reason you said. That one that went here, that's not that one. There's no going there. There's there and there and there. But there's no getting there from here, because that would imply that there was some kind of connection between this moment and ten years ago.

[51:29]

So anyway, it's a wonderful tricky business that we're in, trying to reconcile these two views of karma and of non-duality. So they're not best friends, but that part of the job of Dharma study is to try and figure out how to make those two work together. how to make the weaving come together with, there's no weaving. There's weaving and no weaving, yeah. Thank you. Yeah, thank you, Kevin. Alrighty. Okay. Hey, Ying. Senko. Senko. Nice to see you. Hi. Sorry. I just chopped off my kids at school. They have a late start this morning. It's like 10 a.m. here. Yeah. So I'm still in their school. But I just like, I thought about the question like Kevin asked, you know, because I asked a similar question in a different setting. So the question was, you know, if there's no, like the being is always different.

[52:38]

Why do we repent? Right. And also the repentance is so helpful. It's like when I repent, maybe that wasn't the same being, but because of this, I don't know, the mysterious connection, it's really helpful for me to repent. Yes. I'm just like, yeah, that's all I want to say. I think it's a very human thing of feeling feelings, of having feelings, not being indifferent to our actions or impact of our actions or our vows. You know, something about us wants to take care of them, wants to be kind. There's some part of us, of this species, who wants to be kind and nurturing and so on. And I think that's the one we're trying to, you know, keep nurturing our kindness and our willingness. Good to see you close on.

[53:38]

Senko. I got so many Sen's and Ko's. I name everyone with a Ko. I've noticed. I misliked that word or that term. Senko and Kosa. Okay. Everybody okay? Let's see. There's a little chat here. Let's see what's going on with that. From Hope. Is the delusion suffering the threat of continuity? Yeah, delusion is a thread of continuity. Continuity is a delusion. So, you know, and a very powerful one. Dean. You sound kind of underwater. Can you do something with that, Dean? Try talking some more.

[54:48]

Can you take off? Sometimes if you take off the... Yeah, I disconnected on the first still. Oh, you did? Yeah. Okay, well, I can understand you. It's just a little gurgly. Can you hear me at all? Yeah, kind of. Yeah, I said, you said, can I hear me? You hear me at all? I heard that. Yeah. Okay. If it gets too clunky, tell me. Okay. Because it's already clunky up here. So this talk is made me think about, I recently was reading something about Dongshan. Dongshan is unwell. And in there, somewhere I was, I think this self-practice is that Our strong Zen line doesn't protect us from being human.

[55:50]

And our humanness, I feel like, allows us to sort of develop a strong Zen line. Yeah. And so when we experience our humanness, our struggle, whatever malady that may be, then our thin mind, when we practice and we do this over and over, it comes back. Where it's then comes back, it's always there. But it then... It helps us... give ourselves over to our humanness, whatever malady that might be. And I just started thinking about that with the east-west. I haven't quite made the connection, but something about it sounds a little bit like this.

[56:59]

There's some similarities in my mind about it, because we never leave our humanness But our Zen line may never leave as well. And just because I'm being human, it's not that my strong Zen line isn't there, but it's making a way for my humans. Yeah, I like that. I like that, Dean. I like that. It's like your left foot makes way for your right foot, takes the weight, and then you've got to get out of the way. So the other ones, so they're like a team. The Buddha nature and the sentient being are a team. They wouldn't be there. Buddha wouldn't come. You need a sentient being to get a Buddha. You need that longing for awakening. Why? Buddha, come here. I need you. But I'm here. I've been here all along.

[58:01]

It's just a wonderful thing that we have these teachings to keep reminding us of what you just said. The Buddha is always there. Don't look outside. kill the buddha and and claim you know claim that that place in your own heart that you know is there and you're going to have to keep working it because the buddha is there for to bring light to your delusions the light of awakening is for the illuminating the delusional thinking that mind flies that's why the lights are on you know and our illusions are there right in our buddha mind That got garbled beyond my ability. My delusions are there. My illness is there. But that is what then awakens my Buddha mind. Yes. Yes. It gives them a job. They're fully employed. That's right. This is not a lightweight situation here.

[59:02]

I know. I used to apologize to the Bodhisattva who was assigned to me. I said, I'm so sorry. You poor devil. You know, good luck. Yeah, yesterday, or yesterday the day before when I was over Greenville, someone said something to me about, oh, Dean, this is so great. You're doing such a great job. And I said, well, give me a chance because when I go through a great job, I'm going to do something that's not going to be good. And then... you're going to have a chance to be the one doing a great job because you're going to need to let me know. I'm going to be, not that way. So it was, it was, it was really nice to say, Oh, I'll give you a chance to be a jerk. Just give me a little bit of time. Yeah. Well, that's wonderful. The young ones are going to love you. You know, they like us. They like us old timers. Can I help you with that, ma'am?

[60:06]

Yes, you can. I think this is the first time I've ever heard this. You know what I really like? Is I really like the idea that I might have your kind of energy when I'm your age. Wow. And no one has ever said that to me. And I just sort of beamed. I keep telling all my friends, you know, never had someone say that. So it was kind of cool. I know. We think we're inspiring them with our wisdom and our compassion, but it's really that we're so old and still functioning. Oh, dear. Thank you, Dean. Humility is the way to liberation. By this humiliation you shall be liberated, it says in the Diamond Sutra. Okay. Wonderful.

[61:07]

Alrighty. Thank you all so much. It's been very nice to see you all, and I hope you're well. And we'll see you next week. What? Yes? Rhi, I think it's Rhi had a question, which was, where can I find the e-book we're discussing? Oh, no. I... He said no. It's okay. No, I thought Dean was referencing a different unwell, a different teacher that was unwell. I thought it was a sun-faced Buddha, moon-faced Buddha, which does draw a lot of similarities to go east, to go west. But what I did want to share is a happy belated birthday. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. i hope you enjoyed it very much i did it was a full moon on my birthday which was seemed very auspicious finally i had a full moon on my birthday and uh we were out in tiburon so it was a clear beautiful night and we could see san francisco like a jewel across the water it was quite it was quite beautiful the whole thing was very beautiful the food was good and i was with friends so thank you for that i had a lovely day and um

[62:23]

Yeah, we'll take another ride around the sun. 6,000 miles per hour. We forget. That's right. It's like the joke about what the snail said riding on the back of the turtle. You know that one? I've heard of it. I don't know exactly, but I've heard of it before. Wee! Slow down. Slow down. Take that turn. All right, you all. Oh, Tom. Someone's yelling. Yeah, just a follow-up question. Well, happy belated birthday as well. Thank you. Yes, and then my question, if you don't mind me asking, I'm just curious. Did you get a slice of cake, or how do you do that? I certainly do. My cake for many, many years has been what is called a princess cake. If any of you do not know princess cake, you must run to your sister. nearest swedish bakery and yeah i won because okay delicious cake that has ever been created it's on the outside okay and then a really light white cake with raspberry layer and a whipped cream layer nice it's it's only once a year otherwise it would be bad i hope because it's irresistible yes thank you for asking yes i'm glad you were able i'm glad you did that that sounds good

[63:53]

yeah i'll have to try it yeah do princess cake yes have a good one have a good week thank you there was a question from re or ray yeah that said where can i find the e-book we're discussing please if you know what that means i the e-book is someone asking about the e-book we're discussing this is in my beginner's mind i think you can get it online in my beginner's mind Right? For those of you who know how to do those things? Yeah, I think just go online and if you can't find it, then let us know. It's around for sure, so I can help you if you don't have a copy. Okay, alrighty. Good night, or good morning, and good night, and everything in between. Good night, Sangha.

[64:54]

Bye. Bye-bye. Thank you, Fu. Bye. Thank you. Bye, everyone. Bye, everyone. Thank you, Fu. Bye-bye. You're on next week. Happy belated birthday. Yes. Thank you. Happy birthday. Bye. Good night. Take care. Good morning. Yeah. Bye. Good morning. Good morning. Yes. Take care. Early birds. Thank you. Yeah. Bye.

[65:21]

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