This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. So this is a particular time, the beginning of work period, still the beginning of work period, even though so much has been done already. the end of practice period so the people who are here now are you know particular people like there are can you hear me okay there are a number of people here who have come for the first or almost the first time to Tathara with the intention of staying for a while staying for the whole summer and maybe wondering What did I get myself into?

[01:00]

What is this now? Wait a minute. A lot of times people who come to Zen, in America anyway, in the United States, think, I'm going to go sit. I'm going to be quiet. I'm just going to be with myself. And then there are many ways that Tassajara is kind of a surprise and a surprise. about that, you know, all the service and the forms and what's all that about? I just wanted to sit. And also the community aspect, which is a major part of monastic living, actually. Certainly at Tassahar, a major part of it. So some of you may be wondering, what? What is this again? And then there are the people who are coming out of the practice period. There aren't so many of them here right now. But some of those people are also wondering, wait a minute, what happened to the practice period?

[02:02]

Where did it go? There was this very unique thing happening here. Now that we look back on it, it seems very quiet, doesn't it? At the time, it didn't always seem so quiet. Internally, it's not always so quiet, but still, it was a lot more quiet externally. And then there are the work period people, both the work period people who do some formal practice, who come to Tassajara, some of them really to touch base with their church or their practice place or their sangha, and come here really to do that, and the work period people who generally don't do formal practice and yet come to Tassajara, I think, for... if they've come before, return with the feeling of, I go there to recharge myself and my, you know, whatever words we use, you know, our spiritual source or something like that.

[03:07]

So I think all of these things and probably many more are going on at Tassajara right now. And some question that... I feel the urge to try to answer, whether you're asking it or not, of what is it we're doing here again? Some of you have heard Greg say several times in the last few days until he went away, if you come to Tassajara for the summer or as a student, that you're coming for Zen training. So I just want to say that this Zen training is not about making you into your idea of a Zen monk. If you have an idea of what a Zen monk is, try your hardest to set it aside, because that's not what Zen training is about. Zen training is about being able, really, to be who you actually are.

[04:09]

Mostly, we're not so able to be who we are because it's clouded by who we think we should be. So, you know, one question is, why would a whole practice, why would a whole, you know, the whole whatever zazen is and the whole monastic setup be set up just to study the self? Isn't that a little overdone? Isn't that a little self-centered? Why would we need that? Why would anyone want to do that? And one of the answers is because that This is one of the ways that human beings cause themselves and others suffering. One of the ways that we cause ourselves and others suffering is by this very, very deep, very deeper than a thought, really, feeling. Again, I said deeper than a thought, so idea doesn't quite match it, but...

[05:15]

life energy of needing to create the right self. We have this, we as human beings, I think, or at least Western human beings, have this, most of us have some deep, deep sense that I need to make myself into something. You know, something worthwhile, something one of our deep thoughts, whether we put it in these words or not, is I need to make myself lovable, partly so I'll be safe, so they will accept me, so they'll continue to feed me, so that they'll like me. It's kind of that kind of a primitive feeling, like I need to somehow make this being into something that's acceptable, that has a place on the planet that I can feel like it's all right that I have it. So I think human beings, or again, at least Western human beings, have this sense that there's a me, and it's separable from other things, and it's flawed.

[06:34]

And it might be flawed because it's fragile, or it might be flawed because it is sometimes angry, or because it's stupid, or because we see various flaws here. And we see the potential. Sometimes it doesn't seem like it's very much potential, but still it weighs on us that we need to make it into something that's okay. And with that deep sense of responsibility, we cause ourselves a lot of suffering. And when we feel the suffering, we manage to pass it on to those around us. We manage to sometimes blame other people. So this whole Tassajara is created in a way to help us look at that idea of self, look at what's actually here, and hopefully come to a more realistic relationship.

[07:45]

More realistic, more... freer, more helpful, more beneficial to ourselves and to the world. You know, even Dogen, who is the founder of this particular kind of Zen, one of his most famous quotes is, to study Buddhism is to study the self. So it's not just me saying this, Dogen says it too. To study Buddhism is to study the self. And then he goes on to say, to study the self is to forget the self. When we're studying the self, we see that the self is made up, is actually actualized by myriad things. So when we look at ourselves, well, one of the things we start to see is there isn't a particular self there that we can say, who is that? And in fact, sometimes people who have...

[08:48]

come to Tassajara, for instance, or done practice in other ways, have been quite surprised by what they found as part of themselves when they loosened up on the I need to create the right self idea. Usually what we find is not so surprising. We usually find things that we already have some hint of, but there's the possibility of actually letting them come forth more... I don't know, more fully, but more so that we can get familiar with it. And often those parts of ourselves are parts that we have hoped not to get to know. We've hoped that they would just go away. So that might be a little scary. We come to Tassajara to study the self, and the self comes forward, and sometimes it's a part of yourself that you didn't really want to study. didn't really want to get to know, certainly did not want anyone else to see.

[09:50]

But, you know, Tassajara, that's one reason why it's set up the way it is, where there's so much support, you know, there's so much go back to the Zendo. You know, everybody go back to the Zendo. Of course, not all the guests and not all the workers have to go to the Zendo, but those of us who live for a while go back to the Zendo, because there we can sit there with ourselves and with each other's selves without it... bothering us so much without it actually doing things to each other and also besides just the Zazen the Zendo in all of our the forms the form of service the form of working on these crews where you weren't really hired because you were an excellent gardener or an excellent cabin cleaner or an excellent cook You know, you were just, you came here. Some of you did apply as kitchen apprentices.

[10:51]

I don't know if you were really chosen because you had particular kitchen skills. Some of you might have been a little bit, but really it was because you wanted to do it and because you wanted to practice Zen while you were doing it. So this, what I believe that I've seen in these years here is that sitting Zazen And living this life together somehow presents a base where we can relax our impulses to create the right self. And again, it gets tricky because the one that wants to create the right self is our mind. It's like my mind wants to create the right self, so then my mind also wants to relax from creating the right self. And my mind already has an idea about what it's like to be more relaxed about creating the right self.

[11:56]

It's very insidious. It's like my mind, which I have deep, deep, deep faith in, You know, I think, like if something starts to bother me, if I have a pain or an emotional pain, I start to feel like, and I think you're probably this way too, I start to feel like if I could just understand what's going on, if I knew, if I'm having trouble with another person, if I knew what the problem was, then somehow I could help make it go away, essentially. So we, I think... tend to trust that somehow my mind, my understanding, is the answer to how to have a better life. And that's what this life of Tassajara or Zazen is trying to get underneath. Trying to somehow get past our thinking, I've got to do this.

[13:05]

I've got to understand it so that I can make a better me, so that I can make a better world, so I can do many, many wonderful things. So how do we get... There's no way for me to get past my mind. It's just always me trying to do it. So here we're given this whole wonderful... I think of it kind of like a stage, you know, like we have this whole... stage set up of a Zen monastery with all the props and all the other players and everything and we just come here and we just take on being Zen practitioners so I would say the best way to find out to study the self to find out what is this self really is to do the schedule do all the different things completely Just throw yourself into them. And of course your mind will be thinking, what is this about?

[14:08]

Why do I have to do that? What is that person doing? Why are they telling me what to do? But there will be things that are going on. Just keep on doing it. Just keep doing it. Just go from one wake-up bell to come to the zendo, do the service, do the bowing, even though it doesn't make sense. What starts to come out or what starts to happen is some settling... of that mind that feels like I need to know what's going on. I need to decide. Am I really a Zen student? How long should I stay here really? I said I was going to stay for five months, but really? Five months? Maybe not. Maybe I should go to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that's okay. You might decide to do that. You might decide to leave early. But I think you don't really have to think about it. Just throw yourself into it. Just do it completely, including... You know, if you're a work period person and you never come to the Zendo, just throw yourself into it completely. Do it completely and see what kind of self arises from that when we're not putting most of our energy into trying to make a self.

[15:18]

You know, there's a particular koans Koans are Zen stories, and mostly koans are thought of as the other kind of Zen, the Rinzai Zen. They do koans and study koans a lot. But Soto Zen, which this is here, also has a book of koans. It's called the Book of Serenity. And there's a particular flavor to those koans, different than the Rinzai ones, which I'm not sure I could describe or know enough about. But the first koan... in that book. It's a very interesting one and I wanted to tell it to you now. It's a very short story. It says, One day the world-honored one ascended the seat. Manjushri hit the gavel and said, Clearly observe the Dharma of the King of Dharma. The Dharma of the King of Dharma is thus. And then the world-honored one got down from the seat.

[16:24]

So the world-honored one is generally the Buddha, seen as the Buddha. So he comes into the hall, like this, and he ascends the seat. And Manjushri is kind of the embodiment of wisdom. And he hits a gavel, and I guess this is like a traditional thing to do in a Zen monastery when the teacher is going to speak. We don't do it quite like that. So he hits a gavel and he makes this announcement. clearly observe the Dharma of the King of Dharma. The Dharma of the King of Dharma is thus. And then the Buddha gets down from the seat and leaves. So it was a very short lecture. So this is the first story in this book of Soto Zen Collins. And I think it's really emblematic of Soto Zen. And one way to see it is that the world-honored one is actually each of us. It's not just the Buddha.

[17:28]

It's also me and you. So the world-honored one or the person who wants to take up Zen study and wants to study the self comes in and sits down. And wisdom makes this announcement to us. Clearly observe the Dharma of the King of Dharma. or the Queen of Dharma, or whatever. The Dharma of the King of Dharma is thus. So, wisdom is saying, clearly observe what is happening here. This is the Dharma of the King of Dharma. This is where the jewel of Dharma is found. It's just this. It's whatever this is that's here. It's this This whole story is this really focused encouragement to pay attention.

[18:29]

Pay attention over here. Pay attention to what's happening here. And that can be so confusing in a way. If we try to get a hold of it, what is happening over here? But if we're just there with it and not trying to... or not believing, are trying to get a hold of it with our mind, and just being there with it, not trying to find words for what is happening here, what am I feeling, or how many breaths am I taking in a period of zazen, but just being there with it. This is the dharma of the king of dharma. That's what this story is saying, I believe. Here's the dharma, just live with it. just in the few minutes that you're sitting there, just be close to this Dharma. I think there are a few reasons why this is a useful idea.

[19:36]

One is, what I was just saying, that this idea of the self, this sense of what's going on over here is not quite right and needs to be fixed in some way is I think the main way that we cause suffering that's like the root of it's not the way we cause suffering we have many many ways of causing suffering for ourselves and others but this is the root of it this no this isn't right like if I have pain immediately I think something's wrong like we have this idea like I should not feel bad if I feel bad There's something wrong with that. And it must be somebody's fault. It's either my fault or it's somebody else's fault. And we start looking for whose fault is it? Whose fault is it? And then we can find lots of places where there's fault. Somebody is making us feel bad.

[20:38]

Somebody didn't turn up the heat enough. Somebody looked at us funny. I'm too sensitive. My parents brought me up wrong. I ate the wrong things for dinner. I ate too much of the things for dinner. So if we're looking, we can find a lot of things that are wrong. But it's a distraction to start looking, even if we're looking at ourself, to start looking for what's wrong is a distraction from actually cultivating an openness to what's here without being able to tag it as right or wrong without needing to make that next leap of is it right what's happening over here or is it wrong and then quickly to and whose fault is that so that's one reason is that this is the root of a lot of our suffering another reason to put our attention here is that for each of us

[21:46]

this is really the center of the universe. To say it one way, it's like, I am the center of the universe. I am the world honored one. We can each say that. And it's really true. For this consciousness, this is where the universe comes together. This is where the senses meet the sense object. This is where Sight comes in. This is where hearing comes in. This is where the world has an effect. So to bring our attention here, although we certainly have learned to keep looking, like what's out there, and it's not to not look out there. In this quote of Dogen's, you know, that to study Buddhism is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To study the self is to see the... the self is actualized by myriad things. So it's not separate from being in touch with, interacting with the world.

[22:57]

It's actually where the interaction happens. It's being there for the interaction. And if we're here, we see, oh, somebody scratched their fingers on a blackboard and I cringed. We see that that happens right with each other. That person walks in the room and I get tight. That person walks in the room and I get graspy. If we're not being too distracted by the other, still, the other is part of what's happening to us. So that reason that this is actually where this consciousness meets the universe. And this is where, third reason, is that this is where something different can happen. This is where we can see what our habits are and whether there's any space, if our habits are causing us suffering or causing others suffering, if there's any space to do something different.

[24:09]

And... I recommend that if you see that, oh, when something happens, when somebody tells me to do something, I immediately feel resistant. If you notice that, if you're here and you notice, oh, there I was again. I got resistant again. If you notice that, so first of all, if you've noticed it, then there might be some space there to do something a little different. And I recommend that you don't do very much You know, just maybe wait. Just notice the tightening. Don't go into a big idea about, oh, I should be more blah, blah, blah. You know, I should be, or next time I should say to them, you know, if you would say this to me in a slightly different way, I would, you know. That might be good too, and they might come to that, but as a first step to just be open to what actually happens. Just be. notice the tightening and maybe even just let the tightening be there.

[25:13]

Although if you notice it, already it's changed a little bit. Already it probably won't tighten up as much because the main thing we do when we're not noticing it is somebody says something, tells us to do something, we tighten. We don't like the feeling of tightening so we resist the situation. We say something, we walk away, Whereas if we can notice, oh, I'm feeling resistance, and just stay there with it, very interesting situation. What happens to the tightening when we don't do our habitual way of getting away from it? So all of this could be called clearly observing the dharma of the king of dharma. The dharma that is manifesting, actually becoming... a body, this body, in the world, and with the world, to clearly observe that, to ascend the seat and listen to wisdom, saying, clearly observe the dharma of the king of dharma.

[26:26]

Stay with the king of dharma as long as you can. The dharma of the king of dharma. So there's one more... to this first story that I want to bring up which is the poem that goes with it probably some of you have heard this before although maybe not there's not a lot of people here who I talk to very often so the poem that goes with this story is the unique breeze of reality can you see Continuously, creation runs her lumen shuttle, weaving the ancient brocade, incorporating the forms of spring. As the woof goes through the warp, the weave is dense and fine. One continuous thread comes from the shuttle, making each detail. How can this even be spoken of on the same day as false cause or no cause?

[27:29]

So I'll say that one more time. the unique breeze of reality. Can you see? Can you hear? Can you feel? Can you smell it? Continuously, creation runs her loom and shuttle, weaving the ancient brocade, incorporating the forms of spring. As the woof goes through the warp, the weave is dense and fine. One continuous thread comes from the shuttle, making each detail. How can this even be spoken of on the same day as false cause or no cause? So again, I think this is the same thing. We are part of an ancient brocade. We're part of the history of the universe from the beginning. and yet we are a particular part.

[28:32]

We're a unique breeze. There's a unique breeze of reality that each of us can hear, see, taste, feel, enact. Can we see it? Can we be there with it? And as this brocade is continuously being woven, the warp and the woof are dense and fine. The weave is dense and fine. There's We're completely surrounded by other active, alive lives. We're all interacting with each other. This is a very alive brocade. It's got all forms of spring in it. It's blooming, always. We're part of that blooming. There's not a self that we're going to find. If we do this, if we do this as well as we can, as well as... Our karma allows us to study the self and clearly observe the dharma, the king of dharma.

[29:36]

It isn't like we're going to find out who we are. It's not like we're going to get that self and then there it'll be. Oh, that's who I am and then I can carry that out of here. Because what we find is that we're continually changing. We're not really sure who we're going to be a minute from now. Or if somebody serves pizza for dinner, who will we be then? What if they don't serve pizza? What if they don't have cookies tomorrow, no cookies tomorrow? Who will we be then? We don't know, really. So it's not like we get a self. What we get is, well, one possibility is the confidence to be there for the next self that arises. The confidence, the faith that, oh, I don't know who I am. I didn't know who I was a minute ago, and here I am.

[30:41]

Okay, it's okay. Actually, I've never known who I was, even when I thought I did. And still life is going on. This unique breeze of reality, the ancient brocade is being created moment by moment, and maybe it's okay. if I'm a part of it. And this one continuous thread coming from the shuttle, you know, our life as it goes, moment by moment by moment, affected by all the other threads, is not, it can't be spoken of on the same day as false cause or no cause. It's not like something happens in our life that shouldn't have happened. We sometimes feel that way, like, That shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have said that. Or they shouldn't have done that to me. Or various things that we feel like it shouldn't be like this. It's not quite like that, you know? Nothing happens that shouldn't happen.

[31:44]

It's in this very dense weave. It happens because everything helped it happen. That's how everything happens. And then the next moment happens from that. The unique breeze of reality. Can you see it? Continuously, creation runs her lumen shuttle, weaving the ancient brocade, incorporating the forms of spring. One continuous thread comes from the shuttle. No, excuse me. As the woof goes through the warp, the weave is dense and fine. One continuous thread comes from the shuttle making each detail. How can this even be spoken of on the same day as false cause or no cause? So, I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts. We only have a few more minutes. Any thoughts or questions?

[32:47]

Yes, John? In our lives, let's say you're a student, a new student here, or an old student here, and during the summer we have very many things that we're doing that we can forget about our practice. You say, study the self, be there for the self, but how can you do that when you're very busy and hard during the day? Well, our self generally reminds us. If we aren't paying attention to something will bother us. Something will start to seem not right. Maybe we'll trip on something. Maybe we'll drop a bowl. Maybe we will make a comment to someone else and we'll notice that they seemed upset by that. Or maybe someone will say something to us and it'll hurt. And it can become, especially if we're coming back to the zendo, coming back to service, there gets to be this hint.

[33:57]

And often we will think, if it hurts badly enough, we'll think, what can I do about this? We have that thought sometimes. What can I do about this pain I have? There's an easy answer. Come back. Be there with the self. So that's one way, even though we... feel like we're busy. You know, at Tasaha there are lots of reminders. You know, there's the Han, there's the wake-up bell, there's each other, there's the chants that we do. There's also, there's practice discussion. So if you feel like, what am I doing here? Please talk to the practice leaders, talk to your crew heads. You know, what am I doing here? What might I be doing that would help me remember that? Is there anything else you want to say? I guess, yeah, that was kind of what I was getting at, is how to remember, because, you know, it's not our usual.

[35:00]

It doesn't seem, for me, it's not usual to think, oh, come back and notice what's going on here. Yeah, I think it really is counter to our normal habits. Yes. So how do you I think Tassahara is set up to do that, actually. And it, you know, doesn't necessarily happen all at once or in a way that we might recognize. Just keep doing it. Just keep coming to this endo. That's what I recommend. Thank you. Anything else? Okay. So, you know, I really feel like... Tassajara is a very effective place for all these different people, that all of us, that I was talking about. And Tassajara's work period and summer is a very effective place coming out of the practice period to take that feeling of settledness that usually comes during the practice period and walk into the summer, walk into the work period in...

[36:14]

It can be kind of shocking. You come out of the practice period and then there's the work period. All this stuff is happening around. It usually feels good. I think people really appreciate that so many of you come here and really take care of Tassajara in a way that we are not able to do on our own. And somebody said to me, and so obviously appreciate it. Sometimes if you live here for a long time, you forget that you appreciate it so much. But I think people appreciate that, and yet it can be a little bit of a, like, oh, what is happening? But I think that opening to something different than what we've come to expect is really healthy for the students who have done the practice period. If we only had practice periods, it would get a little precious, and we would just be protecting a way of life. So to open to... the work period and new people coming in and then the guest season I think is a very healthy thing for us.

[37:24]

And then for the work period people to come here and have again as I say those who practice formally practice here and those who don't to have a place that is really going quite a bit slower than the rest of the world. as I experience it anyway when I go out there these days. There's so much coming at you out there and to have a place where you can slow down a little bit and just be with each other and with yourself, I think it's very effective. And for the new students, I really invite you into this to try it out and see how How does it work for you? And please to relate with each other and with those of us who've been here for a while about how is this working? How does this relate? Of course, when we relate, we are using our minds again, but our minds need to be part of it. It's not like we can leave our minds somewhere else.

[38:27]

It's just that they aren't the main director of the whole thing. They're a useful part. They're a wonderful part. They just think they're in charge. They have to take a little break. So thank you very much. I really look forward to spending more time with all of you and some of you quite a bit of time. Thank you for being here tonight. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[39:10]

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