This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzz.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Good morning. Today I wanted to talk about just something very simple, how we practice compassion, how we face the difficulties of our life, the ongoing difficulty of that and how we practice with that difficulty.

[01:10]

There's a wonderful quote by Eleanor Roosevelt that I came upon that I thought was a great Zen admonition and Eleanor Roosevelt says, you wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do. It really captured our tendency to think we're the center of everybody's interest and, you know, concern. So we wouldn't worry so much if we realized, you know, we are concerned about ourselves, primarily.

[02:17]

And this is something that the Buddha noticed. There's a story in the canon about King Bimbisara and his wife and they had, and Queen Bimbisara, they were out on their balcony looking over their lands and enjoying the evening. And he asked her, what's the most important thing for you? What's the most important thing? She thought about it for a while and she said, I'm the most important thing. What about you? And he said, well, if I honestly look, I consider that I'm the most important thing. And they very unabashedly realized that that is the tendency to be so centered, to think of ourselves first and foremost.

[03:20]

And then they thought, and everybody feels that way. Everybody cares about themselves. And out of that grew this compassion for beings who have self-concern, are worried about loss and death and old age and sickness and how much suffering each person faces and has to live through. And they thought, each person feels this way. And so we're all in this together with this tendency and care about ourselves and concern, self-concern. So then how does that tendency go along with or entangle, you might say, with compassion?

[04:26]

others. Compassion, actually, I would say the definition is when we see others suffer, and also when we see ourselves suffer, but when we see, it's often directed towards in the face of seeing the distress and suffering of another person, we suffer with them and have a feeling that arises of wanting to do something to alleviate that suffering. And this is a kind of working definition of compassion. There are other things that we might feel upon seeing someone in difficulty or in pain or suffering. However, which I'll talk about in a moment, but when seeing that we... We want to do something for them.

[05:28]

We want to alleviate. This is what compassion is. It includes action. It includes wanting to help and approaching, going towards. This figure, this standing figure here, is a compassion figure, Jizo Bodhisattva. And the big toe of the right foot is raised up, and he looks very, very still and calm and serene, just standing there with the wish-fulfilling jewel of his vow. But if you look carefully, his toe is raised up, and that iconographically means he is ready to move, ready to approach, ready to come to assist and help. at all times. I wanted to tell some stories of compassion in a kind of unusual kind of compassion.

[06:41]

You might say, well, why is this a story of compassion? And these stories come from the compilation of the sayings and doings of a Chinese family, the Pang family, P-A-N-G, layman Pang, laywoman Pang. They were married and they had two children, a son that you don't hear very much about, who probably was farming mostly, and then their daughter, Ling Jiao. Ling Jiao means spirit shining. She, as the daughter, all three of these of the family, Pong family, were realized enlightened beings, enlightened people, and had realized their true nature and lived in the world responding to circumstances and each other and anyone else who they came in contact with.

[07:50]

And... this particular family, there's lots of funny stories, lots of funny things that they do. Funny in that you can't predict. They're not the run of the mill. They respond completely, uniquely to the situation, and someone else would have responded differently, and no one could ever do that again. It was unique to them. So one of the stories about Ling Zhao and her father, they were very close. They lived, by the way, in the late 700s and died in both Ling Zhao and her father died in 808, common era in China. And this was the kind of golden age of Zen in the Tang Dynasty.

[08:53]

Layman Pang studied with the greatest teachers of his day, Master Ma and Shirtu, these very famous teachers with many, many disciples. But he didn't want to be ordained. That was not his path. His path was lay practice and family practice. So one of my favorite stories is... Le Min Pang and his daughter Ling Zhao were walking along. He, at a certain point in his middle years, he had accumulated wealth and possessions. He had worked and he brought it out to the middle of the lake on a boat, all his possessions and money, and sank it in the middle of the lake. And then Nobody asked how Lei Wominpong felt about that, but she seemed to be all right.

[09:57]

And they made bamboo utensils to support themselves. Baskets and different ladles, and I imagine all sorts of bamboo things. They made them and sold them. That's how they took care of themselves. So one day, Lei Wominpong and Ling Jiao were... They had been out selling their bamboo utensils, and they were coming across a bridge, coming down from a bridge, and Laman Pang fell. He tripped coming off the bridge and fell down. And immediately Ling Zhao came and fell down next to him. And he said, Daughter, what are you doing? She said, I saw Papa fall down, and I wanted to help him. And he said... It's a good thing nobody was looking. So this particular story, her response, or I should ask you, how is that helping to fall down next to, is that, I mean, if my grandma falls down, not that my grandmother is alive anymore, but if I see somebody fall down, I run and fall down next to them, is that

[11:18]

Shall I take that as a rule of thumb? I think not, you know. In fact, someone was telling this story, a story about somebody in a nursing home falling down, and they went and sat down next to her. The person was very embarrassed and very disoriented, and so they got down on the floor with her, which was kind of a ling jiao, I thought, action. But someone who is involved with administrating nursing homes thought, because the person said maybe all the nurses or everybody should just, everybody falls down in the dining room. When somebody falls down, everybody gets down on the floor to help them. And this administrator of the nursing homes got, I think, quite a little worried that this might be some teaching of nursing homes. then that we were going to bring compassionate care into senior living or assisted living, that it would be chaos.

[12:23]

We'd be closed down in a minute if the whole dining room all falls down on the ground. But for Ling Zhao, this was her action. This was her response. I saw Papa fall down, and I was... I'm helping. So what is it to approach? What is it to go toward something that's happening rather than fleeing? The... There's all these studies that are happening around compassion and in psychological circles and neuroscientific circles. And one thing that's been studied is in a situation where we see the suffering of another, either by these are various...

[13:37]

with movies and then measuring what happens for people in their bodies. And when we see a situation where someone is suffering, if we feel like we have some resource or way to cope or some capacity, what happens in the body is there's a calming, of the body, the heart rate decelerates. The way the blood circulates changes, and there's an approaching, a coming towards. If we see a situation where someone's suffering and we feel we don't have the coping mechanism, we don't have the capacity, we don't have the resources, something else happens.

[14:39]

Our heart rate accelerates and there's a surface blood change and the flight and fight response kicks in. We want to just, rather than wanting to take care of the person and help, whatever that help might mean or approach, we want to get away. We want to take care of the distress that we're feeling by leaving the situation. I found this particularly interesting in terms of our practice. The evolutionary process or strong support for compassion has to do with protecting children, raising children, having good relationships with non-kinfolk, and all sorts of reasons why compassion works evolutionarily to support us and pass on.

[16:04]

genes and so forth. And so when does that get, if this is an almost innate response to want to help, when is it that we feel we can't and the opposite happens where we want to get away from, we can't take it? And how does our practice then address this? So when we witness difficulty and when we have difficulty ourself, we need the resource and reservoir of our calm, of our stability, of our serenity in order to then be there for others or be there for ourselves. And if that isn't there,

[17:07]

or if it's there in a scanty way that we can't access, then we will want to get away from those situations and abandon others and abandon ourself through various means. So we have this choice. We can have actions that relieve suffering or make an effort to relieve suffering or to be with and attend to or to escape, to escape our own feelings of distress by removing ourselves and getting away. And I think sometimes the body... the strong reactions in the body make it almost impossible to stay put when someone else is in distress.

[18:18]

And if we were to stay, we maybe wouldn't be of any help anyway because we were so distressed. So our life of practice is is not for ourselves alone. Although we start out with this self-concern, our own problems, our own losses, our own fears and anxiety, this is what brings us to practice. And we start there. And the more we can stabilize, calm down, and open to these teachings, of our interconnectedness and our shared life, slowly by slowly, the more, almost imperceptibly, the more we're there for others.

[19:28]

But we start with ourselves. So Ling Zhao, when her father fell down, fell down too. And what would that be for you in your situation? What does that mean to fall down next to someone, to stay close, to be on the same level, down on the ground with somebody? Whatever they're going through. And the Ling Zhao's kind of I'm premeditated, you know, just full action, just responding. He falls down, she falls down, let's all fall down. What might that be in each of our lives? Right now, as many of you know, our Abbot Mjogan, Steve Stuckey, is practicing with

[20:37]

illness. As he said, just like the Tassar fire, he was practicing with fire, and now he's practicing with cancer and illness. And one of the things he said when I was visiting him was, it's so interesting. He's staying close with what's happening in his body-mind and the changes and how he's weakening and what he can and can't do, can and can't track, and then to say it's interesting. And I found that he said that, you know, the depth of the practice of studying the self There's no point at which, well, I've done enough of that, and now I need to do something else. Studying the self goes, from what I can see with him, can go to the last breath.

[21:45]

And this may not be for everyone. Each person has their own path and their own abilities. But for this person, this unique person, studying, studying, studying the self, studying the way, and how to fall down next to him, you know, to be there. You know, someone, some other child of Laman Pa might have said, Dad, you're so clumsy, or I don't know, watch where you're going, or some kind of, I don't know, criticism, or can't you get it together? or now you've slowed us down and we're late, or I don't know what. And the Ling Jiao spirit shining, there's no leaping into the future or judging what happened or just fall down with, just stay with.

[22:52]

Ling Jiao is often depicted in paintings as the Bodhisattva of Infinite Compassion, the particular, one of the manifestations of the Bodhisattva of Infinite Compassion as the fish basket Guan Yin, the fish basket one who hears the cries of the world. Because Ling Zhao carried this basket of bamboo utensils, so she's often shown with a basket which hearkens to the fish basket, Guanyin. And this Guanyin was a beautiful young girl who was a fishmonger. She sold fish. But underneath the fish in her basket was the Lotus Sutra. And she carried the Lotus Sutra with her. And she would yell, buy my fish. Who would like to buy my fish? And many people were very drawn to her because she was so

[23:59]

attractive. And she'd say, well, I'll sell you the fit. Or they wanted to marry her. And she said, I'll marry the first person who can memorize chapter 25 of the Lotus Sutra. And about 20 different people, men and women, memorized the chapter. And then she said, well, there's so many people who've memorized it. This is Kuan Yin. You have to memorize the whole Lotus Sutra. And you know, only one person was able to do that. And so she married him, but then she died on her wedding night. Anyway, this is the story of Fish Basket Guan Yin, and she skillfully used all sorts of skillful means, skill and means, to teach the teaching, whatever it took, selling her fish, offering herself in marriage, but basically wanting people to practice and study the teaching over and over again.

[25:11]

So Ling Jiao, with her basket, is reminiscent of this guanyin, fish basket guanyin, fish basket, infinite compassion bodhisattva. So this is one manifestation of infinite compassion. And what would that be for us? What would it look like in our life, that way of being compassionate? There's another story of the Pong family. And this story has the mother and the daughter and the father. And often Ling Zhao is the one who kind of has the capping the capping phrase, the capping thing to say. So in this story, Laman Pong has been, he made part of the house, a separate part of the house into a meditation hut and he had been sitting there all morning and he kind of came back from the hut and said, difficult, difficult, difficult.

[26:23]

It's like spreading 10 measures of sesame seeds all over a tree. And laywoman Pang said, easy, easy, easy. It's like getting out of bed in the morning and putting your feet on the ground. And then Ling Zhao said, neither difficult nor easy on the 10,000 grasses the ancestors teaching is shining. So that's the whole family right there. You've got how many days, how many times do we say, difficult, difficult, difficult, this is, how can I go on here? I don't understand.

[27:25]

I don't understand the teaching. I don't understand my life. I don't understand suffering. Difficult, difficult, difficult. And every time I think I understand, it's like putting sesame, imagine putting sesame seeds, trying to keep sesame seeds on a tree as they slither and slide and dump all over. It's impossible. It's just like that. Difficult, difficult, difficult. And then there's Lame Woman Pong. Easy, easy, easy. Like getting out of bed and putting your feet on the floor. What could be, what could be simpler? Even if we're frail or, you know, get those feet down.

[28:27]

Pretty simple, pretty simple. Just everyday life, get up, wash up, do a little yoga, sit, or whatever it is you do in the morning. Have a cup of tea, make your coffee. Easy, easy, easy. What is the problem? Each moment you meet completely, Each moment is you. Easy, easy, easy. And then we have Ling Zhao. She doesn't go either way, right? She goes middle way. Neither easy nor difficult.

[29:29]

each of the 10,000 grasses or the myriad. The 10,000 grasses is an image for the 10,000 things or each phenomena, the myriad phenomena of our life in each moment, the dependently co-arisen forms, feelings, thoughts. Each thing, on each thing, in each thing is shining the ancestor's teaching in each form, in each conversation, in each gaze eye to eye, in each passing the ice to wet the mouth, in each walking the dog, is the teaching of interconnectedness. The Buddha's teaching, the Buddha Dharma, is right there, shining.

[30:33]

You can't say it's easy. You can't say it's difficult. You can't say anything. It's already past whatever that was. And here's the next shining grass tip arising. Fresh. And if we don't try to hold to it and clasp and grasp for me, nor try to... push those difficult things away, if we study and stay with as it flows, flows, and flows, we can't say difficult or easy. We can just be there as each thing arises and vanishes. 10,000 things shining, shining grass tips.

[31:44]

So this family, you know, they had their family ecology and their humor, just like all families have family ecology and intimacy and distancing and you know, whatever. But that's this family of three or four, and then we have our family, the wider family of our, you know, friends and sangha and communities of all kinds together unfolding. So in this world of 10,000 things, how do we practice? And it's not a question of should we or shouldn't we practice.

[32:57]

There's the pain of the world of 10,000 things and suffering as well as joys without practicing. And then there's the pain of difficult, difficult, difficult, even when you do practice. There's no, we can't get out of that. We can just study, stay with, and expose ourself over and over and over to the teaching. And whether we understand it or not, and I think I want to mention this because this difficult, difficult, difficult often comes up in relationship to the teaching. We don't get it. read and we've heard and we've heard stories and we don't understand and we want to understand and somehow we feel locked out maybe even or one might feel locked out or like everybody else gets it. My sense is that suffering that we feel when we don't understand

[34:10]

when we practice with that feeling and stay with that, that suffering of not understanding, this can relieve that suffering. That staying with, I don't understand, this not knowing, being generous to ourselves that doesn't understand, over and over and over again, this actually can relieve that suffering. falling down with ourselves. I wanted to tell one other story about the Pong family. And this is a story about Lei Woman Pong. One day, Lei Woman Pong went to a temple called Deer Gate Temple.

[35:12]

And she was going to make a food offering. So she went up to the altar and did her food offering. And then the priest of the temple said, who is this offering made? Who should I dedicate the merit to? On whose behalf is this offering made? And she took out the comb from her hair and stuck it in and said, dedication of merit is completed. So this is one of these stories where the spirit of it comes through, but you might say, huh? What's she? Comb her hair, merit, dedication. So how I love this story because she's doing her practice, you know? She's just making her offerings.

[36:13]

her offering of food, in this case, to the temple. And what happens to it, it's not her concern. She's just totally offering. And then he wants to know, you know, who's it for and how should I... And the kind of, you know, nuts and bolts of how to... And how I understand it is... She takes her comb and sticks it, she probably had, in fact she did, because there's another story of her where she was told to leave a temple or something, and she takes out her comb and sweeps the floor with her hair. So she had probably long hair, and she just, this is who I am, don't ask me anymore, I'm complete. And not only am I complete, self and other, I'm not making distinction here.

[37:14]

The dedication of merit is complete, including I'm included in that. I'm not separate from whoever it's going to be dedicated to. So it has a kind of sauciness or kind of spunky quality of This action is beyond your thoughts about it or who you think I am or how you think I should be. I think she understood, you know, Eleanor Roosevelt with, you know, you wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realize how seldom they do. And I think she couldn't care. You know, just do her practice without the interest in. merit or that it get noted down that she made an offering or a donation.

[38:19]

Like an anonymous donation. So this is her action of compassion. This is her relieving of suffering. Just give without needing to be complimented for it or it to be marked down. So this time right now with death, You know, for me personally, this time there's been people I know who have been pulled back from the brink of death almost miraculously, and then others who are weakening and moving closer and closer.

[39:27]

And of course, we're all in different stages right now of our own dying process. Sangha members that we know very well There's names on the altar, as always. And last week we had our ceremony where we read over a hundred names of people who had died. And many of the names were Sangha members many, many years ago that I hadn't thought of in a long time. And as the name was read, you know, the image would come up. Oh, remember them. Remember being at Tassajara with them or whatever. So we're all practicing with our own death, imminent death. Just we don't know when it is. We know it will be. And the importance of practicing in order to develop the capacity to be ready

[40:39]

to heed the call or the request, to respond fully, to be able to stay put and stable rather than running away. If this encourages you to practice, I'm glad. How to be there for those that we love without abandoning, abandoning ourself, abandoning them, is our koan. So every day I read the updates about Steve's situation, Many of you maybe are following this on the website.

[41:41]

And the ups and downs of which maybe many of you, I would say almost all of you, have gone through either yourself or with someone else. The measurements and the, you know, whether someone slept or not, all the bodily functions, how it's all going, this, you know, tracking this. Can we stay with it? Can we be present for this? Or do we need to distance ourselves and get away? Because of our own distress. So as I said at the beginning, this was a simple talk. And it's basically in order to not abandon ourself or others, which is the heart, which is the heart of our practice, our wisdom and compassion practice.

[42:59]

This is the heart of it. So in order to live this out fully, we have to practice and stabilize and open our eyes. And as we stabilize, we have the chance to open our eyes more and more and more to what's before us. That's really it. And then all the myriad ways that that expresses itself. Each of you is uniquely your own person, uniquely able to meet the suffering of your life and that nobody else can do it for you. No one else can do it for me. Difficult, difficult, difficult.

[44:02]

Easy, easy, easy. neither difficult nor easy. Where do we land? Is there any place to land? If we hear that there's no place to land, we get very worried. And then there's the further thing that there's no bottom. So we don't have to worry. I wanted to close with this poem about death, which, because this has really been on my mind, and maybe I'm not, I would guess that for many of you, this is something that's very up for you. This is a poem that many of you maybe know by Mary Oliver, When Death Comes. When death comes like the hungry bear in autumn,

[45:08]

When death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse to buy me and snaps the purse shut. When death comes like a measle pox. When death comes like an iceberg between the shoulder blades. I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering what's it going to be like, that cottage of darkness. And therefore, I look upon everything as a brotherhood and a sisterhood. And I look upon time as no more than an idea. And I consider eternity as another possibility. And I think of each life as a flower, as common as a field daisy. and as singular.

[46:11]

And each name a comfortable music in the mouth, tending, as all music does, towards silence. And each body a lion of courage and something precious to the earth. When it's over, I want to say, all my life I was a bride married to amazement. I was the bridegroom taking the world into my arms. When it's over, I don't want to wonder if I have made my life something particular and real. I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened or full of argument. I don't want to end up simply having visited this world. Please help us to continue to realize and actualize the practice of giving by offering your financial support.

[47:24]

For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving. May we fully enjoy the Dharma.

[47:33]

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