This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfzc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. I was looking to Dogen for inspiration tonight, as usual, and a phrase that he uses often, I read in the only a Buddha and a Buddha, is that the name of it? It's the entire universe is the gate of liberation. The entire universe is the gate of liberation. And I think that one of the main hindrances to our investigating whether that's true or not is that we... We as human beings, at least Western human beings, which are pretty much the only ones I know well, are confused, very, very confused about the difference between the entire universe and the world that we make up in our mind.

[01:21]

I mean, we really usually don't know the difference. In fact, we think that the one we make up in our mind is the most real one. We walk around like that most of the time. Right now, a lot of people here are feeling like they need to make decisions. We're not real close to the end of the summer yet, but it's within sight. And the next thing is looming. And for some people, they think they know what they're doing. at the end of the summer. We think we know what we're doing at the end of the summer. You know, we have a plan that seems pretty substantial and familiar to us. You know, maybe we're going back where we were before we came to Tassajara, or if you're a guest, you don't even have to wait that long. You probably have a plan sometime in the next few days to go back to a familiar place, probably, maybe.

[02:28]

And then there are some others of us who think that we have a decision to make about where to go and are weighing the possibilities. And that's one of the times when it becomes really apparent. The first time, if we think we know where we're going back, it's not so apparent that we are believing our imagination. We're believing the world that we're making up in our mind because it's so familiar, we just assume it's true. But if we think that we need to make a decision about where to go and we're weighing a couple of possibilities, then we get very wrapped up in the pros and cons and what this one would be like and what this one would be like. We barely notice the entire universe because we're so focused on...

[03:30]

planning our future, making sure our future is the right one, heading in the right direction, whatever our goal might be. Usually it's to have a worthwhile life. Worthwhile in whatever way we're currently concerned with. Recognizing the difference between those two, that's a fundamental step. Once we recognize that there even is a difference, that there is a world that we make up which is not as real as the world that's right here. Real is a very tricky word to use in Zen, but I'm going to use it for the time being, saying that this world is more real than the one that we make up. Once we recognize that difference, we have some possibility of coming back to... the one that's present with us right now, the one where the entire universe is the gate of liberation.

[04:35]

When we don't recognize that difference, we can go on for, you know, hours, days, weeks, perhaps, living in this other world, this made-up world. Now, usually the everyday world calls us back every once in a while. You know, it has various ways of doing that. We get hungry and we start looking for food in the present, right? We want our food. I mean, we think a lot about food in the future or in the past or what food we might want, especially, you know, here at Tassar, we think a lot about food. But I'm sure everyone does. But when we're hungry, you know, when that hunger calls us back, we actually want present food. Or if we're walking down the path and we're thinking about, oh, I wonder if I should stay at Tassajara for the fall, or I wonder if I should go to New York City or something.

[05:37]

Then maybe a little stone in the path, a rock in the path will trip us, and then we come to the present. So there are things like that that call us back to the present regularly, somewhat regularly, and still we can spend some time major percentage of our time in this other world where we can't really explore whether the entire universe is the gate of liberation we can't really get there from get here from there or there from here whichever it is we have to come back we have to be here in this text where it says the entire universe is the gate of liberation, Dogen also says, if you try to enter or go through this gate, it can't be done. So this is an expression of our dilemma.

[06:43]

If we try, if we have some idea of the gate, and we have some idea of how to go through it, or of how to get in it, how to enter it, That's just more of our made-up idea of the world, the one that we're thinking up. So since we are so accustomed to relying on our mind for directing us, we're kind of lost. Like, how should I do this? How do I get back to here if I don't... decide to do it if I don't imagine myself doing it. In some ways, you know, this is totally in my mind what Zazen is about. Zazen, you know, sit down for some amount of time. Sit quietly.

[07:45]

Try to sit as upright as you can. Try to sit with your eyes open. It's totally about how do you get back to the present? when you don't know how to do it. How do you get back to the present without making the present into something in your mind, or making your mind into something that you get back to the present? It's no matter what you actually do in Zaza, no matter what you decide to do, and no matter what you actually do do, you're actually just sitting there. And over time, that I believe... or I think I've experienced that that kind of sinks in, that what I think of as the capacity or maybe the courage, but not like a mental courage, not something we've talked ourselves into, but almost the habit of being in the present. Even if your zazen doesn't feel very present to you, if you feel like, oh, I'm just thinking about this and that and the other thing, still, while you are thinking,

[08:51]

like most of your life, while you are thinking, it's happening. We're actually sitting zazen when we're sitting zazen. And one of the things that often happens, either when we're sitting zazen, or not necessarily when we're sitting zazen, but if we sit zazen, then it happens in our life. Or when... The universe calls us back to the present by something that takes longer than just feeling hunger and eating a meal, but if something big happens in our life, some big surprise in our life, usually of an unhappy nature, like we get sick or we lose our job or we lose a relationship, something like that that calls us back to the present because we don't know how to think about it. because what we think about it causes us more pain, and that's pretty obvious to us.

[09:55]

So when those things happen, or through Zazen, and there are probably other ways that this happens too, and we notice, oh, there is this world that I'm living in, and it's different than the one I'm thinking up, then we can start to explore, how do I explore this world? How... How could it be the gate of liberation? How do I interact with it? What is it? Because I think one of our habits is that when something frightening to us or, well, let's just say frightening to us, comes up in this world, we often, if we have the chance, we deviate from it. We jump away from it into this made-up world, into this world where we're thinking about things.

[11:02]

And one of the things we might be thinking about is how frightened we are, but we add a lot of stories to it which keep us away from just the kind of bare experience of the discomfort that of being in the world as it is for us right now. So we jump away from that into this other world. Once we notice that that's what we're doing, we have the possibility of coming back and trying out some things to see, how do I live with the world as it actually is in this body right now? That's what I want to encourage us all to try more of. You know, to try some, just like, how do I, how would I, how could I be with this body, this mind, as it is right now? My good friend Tia Strozer was here a couple weeks ago, and she...

[12:15]

She got this somewhere, which I can't remember where. I've heard about it mainly from her, but it's attributed to another Buddhist teacher, I believe, something she calls RAIN, which is a little help to how to deal with the world as it is right now in this body, in this mind. I believe that R stands for recognize. Is that right? Yes, recognize. Good. So recognize that something's happening here. That's a big step. As I said, usually, before we even recognize it, we leap away from it. We know it. Something in us, consciously or unconsciously, knows some unpleasant thing is happening. Maybe go so far as to say a dangerous thing is happening in our body, in our mind. So we leap away from it. So the first step in this... RAIN procedure is to recognize that something's happening.

[13:18]

The second step is to accept that it's happening. To actually say, okay, this is happening. To have that kind of feeling about it. Not maintain the hope and the effort to get away from it, but actually to accept that it's happening. The third step is to investigate. The I is for investigate. And investigate, I think, in this practice is... It's not so much, you know, get in there. It's definitely not get in there and think about it or try to, you know, find out the why or... even the what of it. It doesn't necessarily have to have a name or anything. It's a kind of lighter but also more intimate kind of investigating.

[14:22]

It's like be as close to it as you can, which may be a strange thing to say given that it's in our body and in our mind. How do you be as close to it as you can? I would say one of the crucial things factors in that is to be as balanced physically balanced as you can to be you know if you're standing have both feet firmly on the ground if you're sitting try to sit upright if all that is like you can't do that because it's too much which sometimes is the case lay down and find a lay down and be have a kind of open close attitude with this Often it's a feeling, sometimes an emotion, often a sensation. So investigate it. Let it have its life, whatever its life is.

[15:23]

Don't try to rush it to the end. Don't try to talk it out of itself or anything. Just let it have its birth. Be its midwife. Just be there for this experience that's happening very intimately for you in your body, in your mind. And then the last one is not to identify with it. So these are not necessarily sequential steps. They're kind of all happening at the same time. So not identifying is kind of the same thing as let it have its life. Don't assume this is my fear, this is my sadness, this is my mistake, this is my difficult karma or something. This is its own thing. So that is a description of how to, I think, find out.

[16:29]

Is this, whatever this is, experience, whatever this sensation is, whatever this thought, this feeling is, is it really the path to liberation? Is it the gate of liberation? I think it's kind of surprising to us if it is. We don't expect that. We expect that these things are things to be gotten rid of. They're somehow our mistakes that have creeped into our body, psyche, You know, oh, I'm too dependent. Oh, I'm... Anyway, all the various things we can be, we think of those as something to be gotten rid of. But what Dogen is saying is the entire universe, including these very, very personal happenings, are the gate to liberation. Just one other thing that he says in this part about it is to say the entire universe is the gate of liberation means, or not to say that, but the fact of that, that it's the gate of liberation, the entire universe, means that we are not entangled or captivated at all.

[18:04]

So all those things things that we think we are entangled in or are trapped by if they're met in this very different than our habitual way of meeting them actually kind of 180 degrees different rather than going in and trying to fix them or you know either get away from them or or work on them in our normal way rather than that just a kind of okay, I'm going to be really intimate with this to the bottom, means we don't have any entanglements. We have a very alive life. Every moment, some are quieter than others, but it's all very vibrant. There's a poem that I wanted to share with you. but maybe before that, before I share the poem with you, I was just on vacation in Idaho, a family reunion kind of thing.

[19:23]

And Keith, my husband, at one point was wearing the T-shirt from the special event that we have here in the spring called the No Race, which this was last year's T-shirt, I believe, the one with the salmon swimming. And it says, only a fish knows a fish's heart. which is a quote from Dogen, and he was wearing this there in Idaho, and I was thinking, what do people think? Only a fish knows a fish's heart. Why would this guy be walking around with a T-shirt that says, only a fish knows a fish's heart? And actually, we might wonder the same thing. What is Dogen talking about? Only a fish knows a fish's heart. Anyway, I think it can be also related to this idea only a fish knows a fish's heart, and he goes on to say, only a Buddha knows a Buddha's heart. And if you don't think you know, or he says only a Buddha knows the traces of a Buddha, the signs of a Buddha.

[20:30]

He says, and if you don't know, then you should investigate. And if you see footprints anywhere... You should look at them very closely and try to find out, are they a Buddha's footprints? So what I think Dogen is saying here is that all these events that happen in our body and mind, all these entanglements, what we might see as entanglements, are footprints. These are footprints. And we, you know, most of the time we don't even wonder, are these a Buddha's footprints? We think, no. These are, you know, some... foreigner, some invasion is happening in my body and mind, and they should be gotten rid of. Immediately I have to put up my fences and get these feelings, thoughts out of here. But Dogen is suggesting that we instead investigate, are these Buddha's footprints? What are these footprints?

[21:33]

Who's walking around here? I think this is the same... recommendation get very intimate with these footprints with these things that happen in us these feelings and have this questioning possibility are these actually a Buddha's footprints are these traces of a Buddha is this the gate to liberation is there any way that this could be a passageway to freedom. And I think the place where that shows up the most, you know, is in our most dreaded feelings. Most of us have feelings that we hope will never come back again. You know, we've had them before. We really don't want to go through it again. Those are the ones that will give us the most freedom if we ever stay with them to the very bottom.

[22:34]

If we can ever find... a place like Tassajara or a place like the chair in our living room, someplace where we can just be there with ourselves for a while. So this poem is kind of a complicated one. Containing without admission, penetrating without obstruction. Gates and walls high and steep. Barrier locks doubled and redoubled. The wind supports the condor's wings as it bursts out in space. Thunder accompanies the dragon as it treads over the ocean. So, what I think this poem means. Containing without admission, penetrating without obstruction.

[23:36]

So I think this is the same thing. How do we or can we have that kind of attitude toward all of ourselves, whatever happens, to actually contain it without needing to get rid of anything, be there with it, be totally intimate with it, penetrating without obstruction, staying there to the very bottom as it... ebbs and flows. You know, it's pain, most pain is actually very similar to birth pains. I think this is true because of having two children and also because of doing things like sitting sessheen, which for me is quite painful, for most people is quite painful. And pain, and emotional pain is the same way. We usually think... if it's bad, you know, if it's pretty strong, we think, I can't stand this, and our feeling is it's going to keep getting worse and worse and worse and worse.

[24:40]

You know, that's kind of the sense we have. It's going to... And especially, like, if we give into it, it'll keep getting worse and worse, and I can't stand that. But actually, pain, pretty much all kinds of pain, I think, goes more in waves. It goes, you know, it comes and it goes, and it comes and it goes. So this... You know, without pushing it out and staying close to it. Gates and walls, high and steep, barrier locks, doubled and redoubled. In the commentary on this, it says that this is talking about objects. Gates and walls, high and steep, barrier locks, doubled and redoubled, that objects... And objects are also these internal objects, the internal and the external tangle.

[25:43]

So our interior objects, as much as exterior objects, are high and steep. They aren't really understandable by our mind. That's not our mind's job, is not to come up with the definition of what anything is. actually, so that we really get it down and know what it is. It's fine. We can use our minds to understand all kinds of things, but to really get to what something is or to describe it completely, I don't think it will happen about anything, actually, and certainly not about another person or about ourselves or about some tangle that we have. So the... impossibility, the unknownness of life is something that's very hard for us to come to terms with or to accept.

[26:45]

But if we're going to be honest, I think we're going to have to. So both those lines, I think, are a description of this kind of meeting ourselves that I've been talking about. the not feeling like we're going to get a hold of it all, get it with our mind, that they're high and steep and locks are doubled and redoubled, and yet, in spite of that, to not admit anything, to penetrate to the bottom. And then it goes on to these next two lines, which are sort of after that's been done or as that is being done. The wind supports the condor's wings as it bursts out in space. Thunder accompanies the dragon as it treads over the ocean. These are very active lines. So as we do this very, in some ways, internal work and taking a lot of discipline in a way and...

[27:59]

calm and courage in some ways, still what comes out of it is not a passive, not doing anything in the world, you know, kind of sitting, navel-gazing. That's not the goal or the effect of this kind of meeting ourselves. This kind of meeting ourselves leaves us very active in our life. It happens naturally. There is a kind of freedom and a kind of responsiveness that happens very naturally from not pushing away the world, not pushing ourselves away. I think that the hardest thing for us in any situation is our own response. The rest of the world, it's not that the rest of the world is easy, it's just that the hardest thing is our own response. So if we can be there with our own response to the very bottom, it leaves us able to, you know, be condors and dragons, right, to act in the world appropriately.

[29:18]

It doesn't mean we always do everything right. It means we're not afraid to apologize. It means we're not afraid to... interact with somebody about something that they've done or said that hurts us or that we think is hurting someone else, that we can actually see our connection, feel our connection to the rest of the world, the rest of life. And quite naturally, like the wind and like the thunder, you know, those are not... things that anyone decides to have happen right to have the wind lift the condor or the thunder follow the dragon that's not like a decision that we make that happens quite naturally in the world and our actions happen in the same way it's like there we are something needs doing and we do it and you know what we do varies you know it's not like there's one set thing to do it varies with who we are it's how we interact with this

[30:20]

gate of liberation. How this body and mind interacts with the universe as it surrounds us at this time. So that's our possibility. And it's almost time to stop. I want to know if you have anything to say. Any of you? Yes. [...]

[31:21]

Yes. It's a good question. It's not easily answered because it's very particular to the moment, whether it's your knee or it's your heart or whatever it is. Yes, there's pain, let's say, in our knee. Sometimes, I mean, you just make your best guess. I would recommend... Don't hurt yourself. But I know for a fact that pain in my knee or back or whatever, a good, some portion of it is tension, is this feeling of, when I have it, it's this feeling of, I don't want this. I don't want this. And then just getting tighter and tighter and tighter. And that the times when that's been able to change to, okay, This is what is happening now. There's a different kind of pain in my knee.

[32:23]

And sometimes that pain is just fine. And sometimes I should move. So there's not any easy answer to that. But I think there are times when we know, OK, this time I'm just going to try to stay here. And other times when we say, no, I'm going to move. And that's OK. There's nothing wrong with moving. It's fine, you know, either in Zazen or in life, you move. Then there are plenty of times when there's no place to move to. It's not a situation where just moving takes away the pain. And in those times, we still, a lot of times, we spend a lot of time looking for the way out. And that's part of what I'm talking about tonight, is if we can notice we're looking for a way out, doesn't really, is made up. What about just coming back and being here for it? Sorry, not a real... Just do this, yeah.

[33:31]

Thank you. Anybody else? You're going to have to be quick if you have anything else because I went on too long tonight. But if there's anything, we have time for at least one more if anybody has one. Yes, Shogun. Right. There definitely are times when... Say that last part again. Yeah. Yeah, and sometimes when we talk about that snake in a tube thing, you know, we're talking about like Zen practice, like go do a practice period or sit a period or zazen or something like that. Which, you know, similar to what Westry was saying, in a way, you know, zazen, at least as we practice it here, or practice period as we practice it here, is not a very strong tube.

[34:40]

You know, like, if you need to move, it's okay. If, you know, whatever. Very, I mean, not whatever. There are limits on it, but still it's... And it may still feel like it's a tube. Just being in this valley sometimes feels like it's a tube, right? Got to get out of here. But there certainly are things that happen in our life which are a very strong tube. You know, like you can't really... It's like a snake in a bamboo pole, I think they say, right? It's a very strong bamboo pole where much as we might want to... have a different life, have a different being, this is the one we've got this time. So, yeah, that's exactly, like, at that point, I recommend searching for the gate of liberation and searching very intimately, you know, looking as close as you can get and seeing, is Dogen fooling us or is it?

[35:51]

true, that there is a gate of liberation that includes the entire universe, even us, even this body and mind. So, thank you all very much. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[36:25]

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