This podcast is offered by the San Francisco Zen Center on the web at www.sfcc.org. Our public programs are made possible by donations from people like you. Not doing any kind of evil, perfecting profitable skills, and purifying one's own heart. This is the Buddha's dispensation. Dhammapada. Not doing any kind of evil, perfecting profitable skills, and purifying one's own heart. This is the Buddha's dispensation. When Buddha woke up, after having perfected meditation practices after having almost died from perfection of ascetic practices.

[01:16]

The city center there is a picture of Buddha during that time, his old skin and bones. You see every rib. It's kind of a skeleton with a little skin around it. after doing those two practices to perfection, or almost to perfection, the second one, because perfection would probably have meant death, he realized that they didn't help him understand how to become free, how to become free of being caught in fighting the reality of life. So then he used his skill. He used his skill of meditation, and he decided to sit still using this skill with the question,

[02:27]

how is there an end to this kind of suffering that he's talking about? And if there is, how can we get there? And he woke up to that truth. So then he was having a really good time. He was just sitting under the Bodhi tree and would have probably continued sitting and, you know, just had... having a fabulous time. But then, you know, from the God realm, somebody came and said, you know, you can't just have this for yourself. You should just tell people about it so they get a chance to wake up too. And he felt, no, no, they won't believe me and they won't do it and there's no point. But that kind of voice insisted. He said, well, you know... part of waking up.

[03:30]

So, okay, he left this wonderful, peaceful place and went and thought, I tell this first to the five friends I had in the ascetic tradition, which have kind of turned away from me disgusted because I abandoned that practice and they felt like I just... was falling off the wagon. And so he went back to them and gave his first sermon, which Linda talked about, the Four Noble Truths. And he explained that each truth has three levels of understanding. One is you have to understand what is meant intellectually. And then you have to actually look if it applies to your life, and not just look with thought, but really experience it, being willing to feel the suffering that's there.

[04:42]

And once you are willing to feel that and have felt that thoroughly or completely, you know the truth. You actually know the truth in your body, not just in your head. That's why I keep encouraging all of us to keep returning to this body, to keep exploring all your experiences even if they seem stuck out there because the Eno is now sitting down over there. To keep turning back, to take that backward step and look how does that perception affect this being, this body, this mind, these feelings.

[05:49]

Because Pema Chodron says, looking into ourselves with kindness, it's absolutely important to do that with kindness, not with a harsh, judgmental, shaming, blaming, condemning kind of suspicious mind, I catch you doing something bad or something like that, but with an open, interested, kind mind. When we look inside deeply, when we are willing to keep returning to what I perceive or feel or see or sense or think what are its effects on this body, on this mind, on this heart, the feelings.

[06:57]

When we look deeply, we discover, and when we discover what is sweet and what is bitter and what is painful, we don't only discover ourselves, we discover the whole universe. It's the gateway to understanding. Buddha sat with his body, in his conditions, with his mind, not with anybody else's. So that's why I want to keep reminding us and would like to invite you to really keep returning to this and not get caught up in other, in other things, other beings, just other, which is sometimes really a nice distraction when it's hard to be here.

[08:03]

So that's why the schedule is so good. I also keep coming back to the schedule because the schedule, if we follow the schedule completely, which means when we camp, we completely investigate whether not being in the schedule is beneficial. It may well be. If you're sick, it's beneficial not to come to this end home. So just be willing to in some ways to show up for your life and to keep showing up and keep showing up and you have an idea how bad it is right now to not make that bad, whatever bad is at that moment, the experience that doesn't feel good or you don't like it, into a firm thing that only

[09:13]

has one possible response or reaction to, which is usually our habitual reaction, to get away from it or in whichever way. But to go, oh yeah, it feels really unpleasant. And what is it? And what are the possibilities? So the first talk the Buddha gave to those five disciples was the Four Noble Truths. And one of the disciples already just woke up hearing that. So the causes and conditions in his life and all his training made him able to hear what the Buddha taught and receive the transmission because the Buddha actually taught something that he embodied. The second level of all the truth is

[10:13]

when we experience it fully and we know it from experience, it is actually in our body and is embodied. So that's why we say a Buddha body is a transformed body. So that one monk body and mind were so ready to get it. So he woke up. The others took a little longer. And to ease your frustration, we're in the gradual school here. So we're not looking for sudden enlightenment. It may happen to us. And you know, Suzuki Roshi said, you might get enlightened, but you may not like it. We, of course, think enlightenment is just going to be one pleasurable only thing.

[11:17]

But maybe that's not so. Because you may feel the pain of the whole world and everything just more intensely. You know, in the Tibetan tradition, there is this long 49-day prayer and instruction going on after somebody dies. for them to find the way. And in the shamanic tradition, they talk about the body, the body in which we are embodied in this life form, is like a buffer. The matter actually tones down the intensity of all the energies that run through the universe, all the feelings, all the good stuff, everything. And when we die and that buffer falls away, we are exposed to the unmitigated intensity of it.

[12:26]

So that's why practicing and finding some equanimity and stability in this form of all the things that pull and push us and agitate us is actually the training we then have meet that much higher intensity. So in our tradition, we don't talk so much about this, but the Tibetan have very particular guidelines and prayers and instructions for the departed to find their way through these energies. And we can get a little bit of access when we look at their tankas. which depict wrathful deities and peaceful deities and all sorts of... They're kind of like depictions of energy that are part of this universe and part of being human. And they're not there as decorations.

[13:30]

They're actually meditation objects. They're teaching objects, and you relate to them in a very particular way. That's why they have these pieces of cloth that... hang over them, so you actually don't just decorate your room with them usually. You use them for particular practices and then you close that down. So there's also a very particular way of how do you relate to those energies so that they are beneficial and don't just carry you away or harm you. Then he gave a second talk. to the same five people, and it's the talk that is called The Not-Self Characteristic, or the Anata Lakana Sutta.

[14:32]

I don't know if I pronounced that right. But the Four Noble Truths and the Discourse on No-Self are two of the fundamentals of the Buddha's teachings. They're kind of the ground on which that teaching rests. And in that sutta, he says, Bhikkhu, form is not self. If form were self, then this form would not lead to affliction. And one could have or ask a form, let my form be this or that or the other, just different. Let my form not be this. But since form is not self, it leads to affliction and no one can have it a form.

[15:39]

No one can ask a form to be different. Who would like to exchange parts of their body? Nobody? Great. You're really advanced. Big shoe. Feeling is not self. Big shoe. Perception is not self. Big shoe. Determinations are not self. Big shoes, consciousness is not self. Were consciousness self, then this consciousness would not lead to affliction, and one could ask of consciousness, be different. Don't be like this, be different. And since consciousness is not self, so it leads to affliction, Anon can have it of consciousness.

[16:42]

Let my consciousness be thus. Let my consciousness be not thus. Not as it is. Big shoes. How do you conceive it? Is form permanent or impermanent? Impermanent, venerable sir. Now, is what is impermanent painful or pleasant? Painful, venerable sir. Because it's unstable, it's compounded, it's changing, it's unworthy of confidence. We'll lose it. It's not going to stay the same. Now, Is what is impermanent, what is painful, since subject to change, fit to be regarded thus? This is mine, this is I, this is myself.

[17:46]

No, venerable sir. Then he goes on with feelings, same thing. Perceptions, same thing. Determinations, same thing. And he goes, is consciousness permanent or impermanent? Impermanent, venerable sir. Now, is what is impermanent, pleasant or painful? Painful, venerable sir. That is the suffering Buddha is talking about. Now, is what is impermanent, what is painful, since subject to change, fit to be regarded thus? This is mine, this is I, this is myself. No, venerable sir. So bhikkhus, any kind of form whatever, whether past, future or presently risen, whether gross or subtle, whether in oneself or external, whether inferior or superior, whether far or near, must with right understanding how it is be regarded thus.

[18:56]

This is not mine. This is not I. This is not myself. So I will propose for us to practice this, this as a mantra. This is not mine. This is not I. This is not myself. So, this is not my partner. When I think this is my wife or my husband, Change the mind, because the moment it's mine, it's so endangered. It's so endangered because when I make it mine, it becomes an object of mine, and it better be the way I want it. All my wishes, all my projections, all my whatever get deposited because it's mine.

[20:01]

If that person starts changing and growing, we might get frightened. We lose them because they're mine. I have a right to insist that they not change or be better the way I imagined they would be when I married them. When everything was so wonderful and they fulfilled all my dreams and more now. They're not the same. My teacher, my student, poor students that become my students. Because if they don't reflect good back on me, because that's the self-centered view, then I'm going to be mad at them. Or try to coerce them. my things.

[21:06]

So, take it on. I mean, that would be my suggestion, to take it on for the next few weeks. Each time when I, mine, myself comes up to replace it. The woman I'm devoted to, I'm committed to, the man I'm committed to, the things, the cups I'm using, the students that practice with me, we practice together, we find the way together, we have a commitment. And the same, when we have internal experiences or when we wake up grumpy, When I go, I, this is me, I am grumpy.

[22:10]

Rather, that makes it hard. Or, I'm always grumpy. Or, you know, I shouldn't be grumpy. I'm bad because I'm grumpy. That's hindering us. That's A, it's grasping what's happening and making it into something. And then that thing, on top of it, may be used to make a definition about this being. And either it's a wonderful definition, ooh, my practice today was fabulous, you know, so I'm a good practitioner. Or it was, you know, miserable. Even, you know, the 10,000 Buddhas from all directions can't measure it, but we measure it all the time, you know, incessantly, everything. And then every other day we read that out loud. So do we kind of apply that? Do we kind of not do that?

[23:16]

And we have to, that's the part we have to do to change something. We have to make the effort and we have to try it on. We have to try it out to find out the truth. Buddha doesn't say just believe it because That also is kind of, I believe it, that kind of is avoiding really finding out and trying it on. You can only find out something when you try it on. So in this sutra he says everything you experience with the right understanding how things are, is to be regarded as this is not mine, this is not I, this is not myself.

[24:17]

So if we keep that mantra and we have an experience and we say, just place that there, we can start seeing how we make it mine, I or myself. We can start to actually see that and how we cling to that. So it's a wonderful space opener to try that on. What did I do with my watch? Thank you. Norman's book, Training in Compassion, Zen Teachings on the Practice of Lord John, Norman was my very first teacher.

[25:21]

And he's a wonderful, wonderful teacher. And when it became clear that ordination was the next step He was in the process of becoming a school teacher. He wanted to leave Zen Center and teach high school. He went to study for his credentials and he was totally determined not to ordain anybody as a priest because he didn't want the responsibility to have to train them. He was moving somewhere else. So that was very sad and painful. Totally helpful, both. So I have a deep connection with Norman that is always there. He's the root teacher. It's not the ordination teacher, but the root teacher.

[26:25]

The teacher, when I came back after my first year at Zen Center, And I was totally overwhelmed with having, you know, been here for now an extended period of time as a foreign student and didn't find my way through all the things every day. And the practice period started at Green Gulch and he invited me to be his chisha in the middle of all this chaos I was in and overwhelmed. I said, yes. And then it was like being Chisha were the stepping stones through the jungle. Everything else was kind of chaotic and overwhelming. And just being Chisha, being there, carrying the incense, being there at that time, were just the stepping stones and the way through it.

[27:26]

And, you know, Reb is my ordination teacher. See, I say my, which I usually try not to do. And it's just great to catch that. So he's a teacher who ordained me and gave me Dharma transmission. And I worked with both all along, because at that time, Rep was Abbot, and I felt I just go once a month. I sign up for Duxon, because I felt like I could manipulate... I could figure out what to say so he would be pleased and what not to say so he wouldn't be displeased. So I signed up to test myself. Would I actually be truthful and honest and say things that I was convinced he would be displeased? So I was testing myself once a month. So Reb, the experience with Reb is where I see He nudges me at the edge of where I know where I am, but I know where I am, but he nudges me beyond that.

[28:40]

And Norman, totally different, nudged me always in places I didn't even know existed in me. So I felt I had the best of both worlds. It was a wonderful experience for me to work with both. So Norman wrote this book. The first point of Zen mind training includes only one slogan. Train in the preliminaries. So that's the same as come back in Zazen to the basics. Your posture is The breath, that's your anchor to come back to. And that never changes however advanced your meditation practice is. It rests on your anchor. It rests on your posture and on your awareness of body, feelings, perceptions, mind, concepts, and how you are stable and still with those.

[29:54]

Train in the preliminaries. You can understand and practice this slogan in three ways. First, the preliminaries includes everything difficult that has happened in your life up until the moment you begin the training. The divorce you are going through or have gone through but never digested. The inexplicable breakup from out of the blue. the unexpected death of someone close to you that has shaken you to the core, a terrible childhood you might have thought you'd gotten over but now realize you haven't, an illness, a job loss, or some other present or past disaster may be the preliminaries for you. The difference between just suffering these things and trying to cope... And training has to do with how you view them, with your sense of resolve and personal responsibility.

[31:02]

Even if what happened to you was not your fault, taking responsibility for it now that it has happened, owning it as the stuff of your present life, rather than seeing it as a tragedy that shouldn't have happened and that therefore there's someone to blame, even if there is someone to blame, or bemoaning your sad fate and life's terrible injustice, is training in the preliminaries. In other words, to train in the preliminaries is to stop moaning and feeling sorry for yourself and to recognize instead that regardless of what has happened or why, this is your life and you are the only person Only one equipped to deal with it. You know, this might seem kind of harsh. And at the same time, if you listen to this, you might sense that it's also very liberating.

[32:09]

You can just stop everything else. It's happened. It's your life. And you are equipped to deal with it. And then, based on that sense of personal responsibility, training in the preliminaries involves reflecting on your life so that you can develop the resolve and courage to begin a new life path. Training in the preliminaries is the process of looking honestly at your life and making a firm decision to embark on a disciplined spiritual path. It does take discipline. And again, that's the enactment of understanding. That's the embodiment of understanding. If we go all, yes, that's right, and then we go about our day exactly the same way we always have, we stay in our habitual patterns, and nothing changes.

[33:20]

So there is this effort and this... enactment and this embodiment that's necessary for transformation. All our insights, the insights we may have or the moments of enlightenment or awakeness that we experience, if we don't weave them into our everyday life, if we don't apply what they showed us. Enlightenment experiences don't make an enlightened person. There is a transfer work that has to happen that this turns into being an awake being. So living in harmony with all beings, living in harmony with this being, and with all beings, we're kind of widening the circle a little bit.

[34:51]

We include the other beings a little bit more. in the coffee tea area, which is actually really nice looking most of the time. It's fabulous. It's really, I don't know, do you see it too? And doesn't it make you feel good? I mean, it does make me feel good. It's just welcoming. And then it was interesting, this morning I cleaned. And I usually just like doing that. And this morning, I suddenly noticed that There was a little extra edge. There was a little proudness or showing or, you know, just a tiny little bit. And I went, uh-oh. And it's embarrassing. It's kind of humbling. You know, it's kind of, here it is. You know, the I, the mind, myself coming out. And...

[35:53]

I'm not sure, but there were some people around, a few, and you may have felt it. You may have felt a little extra in how I cleaned. A little... Just a little bit. Anna, did you feel something? Make it. Go ahead. So it's very interesting. You know, it wasn't a big thing, because sometimes I have it big time, so it's not like... But I had it just... I just noticed it, and I went, oh. And probably I went, oh, and noticed it because I was thinking about this talk, you know, just being kind of around. So it sensitized me. But I... that there is this embodiment of what is in our head that is so subtle and that is picked up by other bodies.

[36:59]

So thank you, Anna. That's the things to watch out, but what we're doing overall is so wonderful and I would like to keep expanding that a little bit So I would like to expand it to the serving. So when you're a server, you get a pot. Sometimes it's one thing in the pot, but sometimes the pot has many different things in it and some of them sink to the bottom and some float on top. So when you're serving, would you be intimate with the content of your pot? Know what's in there. Go down with your ladle. So you know what is in there and you serve everybody what's in the pot. Same when it comes with the baked eggs.

[38:05]

They're kind of baked and brown around the edges and the cheese is on top. So if you skim off the top first, the first person gets all the cheese or all the brown stuff that is hard to kind of divide with your chopsticks. You work and the others don't get any cheese. So how are you present with those little details and serve everybody equally? Then I want to extend it to the chanting. The kokyo starts the chanting. our task is to meet the kokyo at his or her pitch. What often happens, the kokyo starts chanting, I go with my voice, with my pitch, I don't even care where it falls.

[39:13]

So, So if the pitch doesn't work for you, can you find a harmonious pitch? But can you first try to really listen and see if you can meet the kokyo's pitch? And then chant with your ears. So you don't only hear yourself, or you can't hear yourself, but that is also a practice of... Not I, not myself, not mine. So can we start playing with that? And we will have a chanting practice at some point together here. And for the kokyo, it's also to learn, you know, or is there habitual or what seems natural pitch? hard to meet, and how do they work with that? So it's not just one way, but can we start expanding in that way?

[40:17]

I also want to really thank you because the Orioki, how you're present with your Orioki is really wonderful. And how we affect each other is also something to really pay attention to. It's so interesting. So when When something happens during Orioki and somebody's bowls kind of slip out or a couple of things, suddenly the volume starts to grow and [...] grow. It's like infectious. I don't know how it happens, but suddenly it gets louder. So can we stay present in the dining room? That's there too. when we have day-off dinners. Usually we start out and we can hear each other, and then we have a hard time hearing each other, so we speak louder, we speak louder, and we speak louder.

[41:21]

In the end, everybody's almost shouting. So can we play with that, or can we pause, and can we see how interconnected and affected we are? But to keep coming back, to keep coming back, whenever there's something that agitates us, that we perceive outside, it's time to look inside about what in us is triggered and take care of that. Do you have any comments or questions?

[43:00]

Michael, what you asked last time about, you know, what about shamatha, sitting still, right? I think that's really true. I mean, I think when something agitates us, either coming from inside or seemingly from outside, but it's our agitation, we can't sit down and immediately look at that. That's not going to work. I mean, to know that when we are agitated, we are actually also confused. We don't see straight. To then, first, what we need to do is to really anchor ourselves and become settled in this body, in this mind, with this breath, and then we can look at something. And then when it agitates us again, because we're getting pulled in, then we notice, and then it's time to let it be and come back and settle in the body.

[44:16]

So we can't investigate anything out of a state of reactivity or agitation. It's not going to work. So please do use the Zazen periods and the periods you can go outside and sit as long as it's still beautiful and not too cold. Everybody can decide for themselves to really engage that opportunity to learn how to become stable. how your body and your breath helps you to settle, to be at peace. And then you can look at something you have a hard time with. Yes? I'm a little bit perplexed about how to... Someone says to me regarding my partner, who is that woman?

[45:23]

And I'm not going to use my, mine, or ours, or yours, or whatever. So I'm puzzled as to what my response is, how to respond to that without sounding a cerebral or cold. So that's the risk for me of not using mine. identification but I also your culture can be quite quite so so and for the first time it's possible to use the word spells and so what is it that can be said that reflects you know what the relationship this is a wonderful example because for the next several weeks, nobody will ask you who is that woman.

[46:30]

So this is not something you need to worry about now. Try out the others I, mine, that are here, myself. Find out. But I suggest you... Play with this here, with the things that arise here that are easy or not so easy. This is my feeling. This is my opinion. This is whatever and not jump to something that's not happening for a while because this woman is not around. Nobody is going to say who is this woman. So to not stay, I want you to play with it in the present, not think how is this going to be and come up with possibilities where you then can't figure, you can't even engage with it because you choose something where you don't know how that could be.

[47:45]

Does that make sense? Language changes things and the Buddha's instructions are if our feelings, our body, our thoughts, our ideas, our perceptions are made into mine, myself and I, we are suffering. And he says, try not to do that. And I suggest try to play with it. Find out for yourself.

[48:50]

It's not a theory. It's something to be practiced and find out for yourself how and where it works and where you suddenly find ways of relating that are different and where you may still say my, mine, and I. That's for you to find out. Thank you. Great question. Yes, folks. also pretty clear. I'm having difficulty with myself and how that is different from the me. And the I. It's when... I mean, somebody once did, and it's a really great exercise, which doesn't...

[49:54]

We can take on something and play it a little bit extremely to get a sense, and then we come back to a more moderate way of using it. But Chai wants to not talk about I. Right. But how is that not for me? I mean, the man said me, myself, and I. He didn't say me, myself, and mine. He didn't say me, him. He says, this is not mine, this is not I, this is not myself. The myself. It's when we appropriate something as being ours. The self we have. Does anybody have an answer to that?

[50:54]

somehow... Well, he says how... Can you ask your question again? It's I, mine, and myself, and I cannot differentiate between the I and the myself. I don't think it's so important because it's all pointing to the same thing, and I think there are different approaches at the same thing, and one of them maybe in one moment might resonate more than another. I mean, maybe I'm misguided in my own understanding, but it seems like they're all pretty much saying the same thing rather than them having these really super important differences. So maybe... social means for the particular situation.

[51:57]

That's a point of thought. Thank you. It could be like a straitjacket or it could be like a comfy old sport coat that you put on and take off whenever you like. It's just okay. It's just designations. Is the designation the straitjacket or Yes. Thank you. That's helpful. And I think what you're saying is right too, Kathy. It's all the same. We sometimes do it by saying I. We sometimes do it by saying mine. But it's the same thing. It's when we assign by... by assigning I, my, myself, we assign also some permanence. You make it into a thing, rather into a fluid, continuously changing event.

[53:07]

So you can use whichever one works for you for a while. See what happens. all pointing to that everything that happens to us always gets self-referenced. Reference back, does it make me look good? Does it make me look bad? Does it make me feel good? Does it make me feel bad? And so it's making me. These things are making me. And that's the mistake. That's the confusion. That they're making or unmaking me. So I like them or I don't like them. Thank you. Andres? Can you speak a little louder? Yes?

[54:48]

Yes? You know, the tricky thing is that we can only see as far as our eye of practice reaches. So, our self tendencies to to mistake, to create a sense of self that's fixed, that's totally fixed with ideas, what's good about this self and what's bad about it and what's acceptable and not acceptable and what's to be expected. That is a self-maintaining system. That is its main system. work is to keep maintaining itself.

[55:50]

So we hear something and immediately we look how it fits or doesn't fit into our self-image. So if part of our self-image that we hate certain aspects of this being, then we will hear, we will pick out from what we hear, oh, this is the practice. This is supporting my self-hate. So codependent people. that suffer from codependency, from not knowing their own needs, having learned not to know them, having learned not to take care of them, having learned not to take care of them, they will feel that saving all beings means to be more codependent. Feel less what you feel, not take yourself into account. And that's totally contrary to what this is about. And people who have trouble relating, they will be happy with the teaching of non-attachment.

[56:57]

Because they are convinced that they are already not attached, so they're better than everybody, and they will be totally non-attached and completely unable to relate, which has nothing to do with non-attachment. But it's so similar, so close. People who don't care will be happy with the teaching of equanimity. They're totally not touched by anything. So advanced. So that's the thing. That's also why you have teachers, why you have sangha members that you can notice when that's happening. Darlene Cohen once said, gave a talk and she said she went to Rep when he was Tonto and he gave her the instruction to say no.

[57:57]

Just to practice saying no to requests. Because usually we tell people say yes, say yes, say yes. So he told her say no. She said she had... She practiced that, I think, for two years. She even said to Baker Oshino, and it was really difficult because she was convinced nobody would love her anymore if she said no. There was a whole backlog of assumptions she had that only came forward when she didn't do the usual thing to kind of keep those a little bit on the side. She said it took her, I think, two years before she suddenly, not suddenly, slowly came got to the place where she actually felt free to say yes or to say no. But it took her two years of diligently practicing no and having all her feelings and fears and panics and convictions come forward and still say no, and then she arrived at a place where she was free to say yes or to say no.

[59:14]

and not coerced to say yes all the time. And thinking that's a good sense student. Such a good sense student, I'm saying yes all the time. Come on. Whose expectations? And just drop them. Expectations are not helpful. So just say thank you very much, but I'm not going to listen to you. At the moment you do see it, you can stop. It doesn't matter where you stop.

[60:16]

The expectation may have started back there and you've gone along with it and then suddenly you're getting resentful or it's not working and then you go, oh. Then you can just say, you can just abandon it. Yep. Okay, I want to abandon the talk now. Okay. I just want to thank you all. I think this is the most fabulous practice period ever. I'm having a good time, and I do hope you have a good time here and there. And I feel everybody is really here, and that makes it a good practice period. Everybody's willing to sit in their stew. and let the pot be stirred.

[61:19]

So, thank you. Thank you for listening to this podcast offered by the San Francisco Zen Center. Our Dharma Talks are offered free of charge, and this is made possible by the donations we receive. Your financial support helps us to continue to offer the Dharma. For more information, visit sfcc.org and click Giving.

[61:44]

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