This is the more traditional time to give lectures, to have lectures in Zen, Buddhism. And Suzuki Yoshi tried to have them at this time, too, and I tried last night. And I understand, of course, I was involved making a schedule at that time too. I understand again why it's nearly impossible because the three bosses of Tassajara are Zazen, the need to do the work here, taking care of the place, and our interest in eating three meals a day. And that completely It takes the day, you know, there's no way in which there's some time. The kitchen crew is not here or here, you know, that kind of problem. So it leaves the evening. But anyway, I'm going to see if there's some way possible to give lectures in the morning. If so, we'll do it on one, three, six, and eight days.

[01:24]

like four or nine days, that'll be the first, the 11th, 21st, and the 13th, etc. And two and seven days will be doksan. But there'll be doksan other times too, we'll see how that works out. I'm very glad to be here, and I think you must be too. pretty rare opportunity to have a practice period. I think in your lifetime you will have very few opportunities to have three months when you have nothing to do but concentrate on your practice. It's rather like taking a sea voyage. You get on the ship and it sails off, you know. You leave all your

[02:26]

problems ashore. In this practice period, we should leave all of our problems ashore, at least all of our imaginary problems. It's also It's true that, as the sutras say, it's a rare opportunity to have somebody like Suzuki Roshi come to this country and an opportunity to practice Buddhism. This is the first time in America that we can practice Buddhism in a traditional way. We're lucky that, in fact, there's not just Suzuki Ueshi, there are quite a few other good teachers. Some of you here are students of other good teachers. Anyway, even with several good teachers available in this country now, still so few people actually have an opportunity to find themselves in a practical situation.

[03:52]

It's up to you to take advantage of this situation. The practice period comes from you, actually. We shouldn't try to make this an easy practice period. I think this group of people here have had probably more experience than any group that's come to Tassajara before. More preparation. That's true each practice period. In the first practice periods it was people just trying to get used to not talking so much or sitting zazen or the schedule. Most of you have had some experience sitting either here or in the city for some time. So if we want, we could make this a pretty easy practice day. It's not such a big struggle to sit, does it? But of course, that's not the point. We want to make this a pretty difficult practice day by confronting your fundamental problems. Just because you can get through the schedule easily,

[05:21]

There's no reason to make the practice period easy. Life is pretty easy, actually. Not much to do except follow the schedule. So you have an opportunity, without distraction, to confront your fundamental problems. I'd like you to find out in this practice period what the real feeling of practice is. It's not so easy to do. Suzuki Yoshi said that he practiced many years and never really practiced losing, never really knew what the real feeling of practice was. got lots of encouragement and reinforcement from other people. And he thought he tried pretty hard. But it wasn't until years later that he had an actual feeling for that practice. And when he looked back, there were times when he was practicing, actually, but he didn't know why.

[06:46]

And one problem he had was that he tried to practice stepladder Zen. He called it stepladder Zen. And maybe we have that idea too, because many of us are more experienced, and each year we get a little better, we think. So next year we'll understand a little more. But that attempt was the thing, one of the difficult parts of Suzuki Roshi's practice. Partly, he was such a good monk. He did everything a little bit better than extra good, and so he was fooled by that. I think it took some real crises in his life to break him out of stepladders. There's no word for going through the door into real practice. We can say a door, but there's no door. Actually, there's a kind of door, because we're confined in some self-room, and some of us try to locate the door with a stepladder. We try to organize our practice, and then we put the stepladder

[08:18]

But actually it's a way of not going through the door. And some of us get in the doorway and fall asleep. We spend several years just sleeping in the doorway because we don't want to open our eyes to what our actual life is. Some of us struggle in the doorway. just as soon as it looks like you might go through the doorway. You don't know you're just about to go through the doorway, but actually, you're right on the threshold. So you struggle. Everything instantly creates problems for yourself. There are many gates in Zen practice. But the main gate, the first gate, which with practice really begins, is giving up self. Or even more, giving up self-involvement.

[09:46]

You can say from another angle, giving up anxiety. As long as you're anxious, you can't... At least there's no other side to your anxiety. You can't practice Buddhism, actually. Buddhism may be an antidote for anxiety, but actual practice begins when you're free from anxiety. I don't mean we don't have concern about things, but... I think self-involvement is... is... another... way we fool ourselves. It's not...

[10:51]

So difficult to find ways to not let our usual idea of self interfere. And to be, we can say, other people experience you as rather selfless. That doesn't mean that you're not still involved with yourself. Back in your mind you have some idea. Well, now people know how I'm so selfless. some danger in whatever you get involved with, because it's a form of self-involvement. So the sutras talk about no resting place, no possessions, no resting place in the scoundrel's sense world. The self-involvement is nearly impossible to get out of, even as you become a better student of Buddhism. Just like you get involved in Step Ladder Zen, you get involved in being a Buddhist. But that's a form of self-involvement.

[12:21]

getting involved in Japan or doing things the Japanese way. It's like a child who always hangs out with adults or an adult who likes to work with children. It's usually a kind of self-involvement where you don't have to have feedback. So it's very easy to become just a good Zen student. express yourself in Japanese terms or Tibetan terms or whatever kind of practice you have. And you'll get quite a lot of good feedback. Everyone will think that's good. Especially here in this country. But if you go to Tibet or Japan, the more you're Tibetan or Japanese, the lower in the hierarchy you are. So it works in reverse. So that's been a pretty bad experience for many foreigners going to Japan. Here they're boosted up by being Japanese-style. They get to Japan and they're exactly the opposite of that. If you're a foreigner you have some status, but a foreigner who's Japanese has no status at all. You boost your ego, you know,

[13:55]

In Japan, it's quite difficult. So most of the people who... And there's some danger in Zen Center, because they're rather Japanese. And so most of the people who've been in Zen Center and gotten very involved in doing it the Japanese way, have left Zen Center. Because at some point, a kind of a burst, the bubble bursts. The same is true of being a good Zen student, anything. So some of you, you know, some kind of imperturbable quality is needed in your life and in your sadhana. It means your consciousness extends throughout your body. But if it's just your consciousness which extends throughout your body, then you have some kind of self-involvement. Maybe your sitting is very steady, but everyone's consciousness should be in your body. I think most of us are one of two types, either

[15:21]

We're very involved with ourselves or we're very involved with others. The ones who are very involved with themselves often, if it's not out of hand, they look quite stable. And the ones who are very involved with others look pretty unstable. They have a mixture of what their parents wanted or what their friends think of them. Or in a positive sense, they feel what other people feel very deeply You don't get upset by the way other people feel and the way the world is. So, whichever type of person you tend to be, you should move toward the other. You're the type of person who gets very mixed up with what? With other people's consciousness. You should have some clear sense and zazen consciousness throughout your body, throughout all your life. But if you're the type of person who's very clear, you know, has his own consciousness, then if he doesn't include other people, if there isn't some disturbance, he's just a good Zim student, which doesn't help many people except other good Zim students.

[16:44]

Maybe the best way is... Maybe the best priest is someone who's not really meant to be a priest, meant to be a bargain store, school teacher, businessman, or something, but somehow finds himself a priest. And he keeps making effort. I don't know why I'm a priest, but I'll try. He includes more. Maybe the best businessman is somebody who really should be a priest. Tozan Zenji, the founder of Soto School in China. One of the famous things he said was, don't look for yourself. Don't try to find out who you are. Even though you don't try to find out who you are, everywhere you look you will see yourself.

[18:04]

or the kind of Zen expression, I am you and you are me. If you're involved with yourself, you immediately try to figure that out. You see? But that's just being, that's sort of, that kind of question suckers you into thinking about yourself. And if you can get suckered into thinking about yourself, it gives you some kind of idea about where your practice is at. If you're not so involved with yourself, somebody says that, you know, I'm you, and you just say, oh, you don't have to think about it at all. So when we enter this end up, you should give up your previous life. This is a new life. You shouldn't practice here with the idea of some improvement or expecting something, especially in terms of your previous life. My previous life was such and such. If I practice at Tassajara six months, my previous life will be better. That's the kind of, you know, that's the way of not going through the door until getting an actual feeling of what practice is.

[19:39]

That's what kept Suzuki Ueshi, being real practice for many years, that kind of feeling. exactly what that point is. There's no way, there's no way to say it. Susan tries to say things like the subject can never be an object. They use many expressions like that. But actually we can't say, we can't speak about that.

[20:56]

Probably you come closest when you don't know why you're practicing. When you don't... When you're just practicing without trying or knowing why you're practicing or anything. Or even... When you don't want to practice. You know, this... You're sure this is the wrong practice, but you're still doing it. Maybe that's when you're practicing. Anyway, this is a real and rare opportunity in your life to have these three months to practice together. I feel very good about practicing with you. I know all of you pretty well.

[22:06]

It is my first practice period here in a long time, and my first practice period, I think, to be a teacher. So I'd like you to help me very much. Greg, it's yourself. We'll have the entering ceremony for Greg, next week sometime. He is wonderful himself. A friend of mine and a good friend of Philip Whelan's, and an old student of Zen Center, died two days ago in a fall. He was... For some years he was married to Joanne Tiger, Gary Snyder's wife, before...

[23:35]

Gary married Masa. Anyway, he was a wonderful person. At the noon service, I'd like us to chant the Daihe Shinjarani in addition to the Shinryo for him and offer incense. This afternoon I'll have to go to San Francisco, because tomorrow in the Mount Tamalpais Amphitheater there's going to be a memorial service for him, which they won't send Senator Allen in to do, and they won't. Philip has to read some poem in the service. And we'll come back tomorrow afternoon.

[24:34]

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