Before I begin, I would like to mention that in the upper parking lot there seems to be a pale blue Honda with the numbers 875 at the end of the license plate with its lights on. So if that's anyone's car, please know that. I'd like to welcome all of you who are here for the first time to bring Gulch to Green Dragon Temple on this lovely rainy spring day. I'm amazed at how many of us enjoy going out in the rain. We're going to have to start making elastic walls to accommodate all of us. As some of you may know, today is International Women's Day, so I thought it was sort of cute that I got to lecture.

[01:07]

Anyway, I hope we can enjoy all of the women in the world and the woman, the feminine in each of us every day, but to be reminded about that today. As those of you who were here last Sunday know, we have, for the past week, a group of us have been sitting together in what we call Sashin, a long sitting. Seems longer at the beginning of the seven days of sitting than it does towards the end. Anyway, I want to mention that because some of what I want to talk about this morning really arises for me out of this experience of this group of us sitting together for the seven days of the past week. Something rather particular happens, I think, for all of us when we do this kind of long sitting together, which is always surprising and in many ways impossible to talk about.

[02:31]

But there are some themes or considerations that arose in this long sitting, which I think are useful for all of us to consider, no matter what our circumstances. The Sashin was led by Menai Weitzman, who is the teacher at the Berkeley Zendo, and one of the considerations that he brought up in the Sashin was this business of doing our best, and we talked about and considered what that means. What I'd like to bring up again for us this morning is this idea of what it means when we say to ourselves or to each other, let's do our best. And to suggest that one of the ways of understanding this kind of exhortation is in terms of what happens when we are wholeheartedly present in each moment.

[03:48]

That maybe that's what we mean when we talk about doing our best, those times when we are completely ourselves in the moment, and that there is a way of cultivating this capacity in whatever situation we're in. I think that it's also perhaps a way of talking about what in the Buddhist tradition we mean when we say we want to cultivate our capacity to be awake, to be Buddha. The word Buddha actually means the one who's awake, and there's a way of being awake in each moment to whatever arises, which brings with it a kind of fullness,

[04:53]

and the more we develop our capacity to be present with ourselves in whatever arises, the more that leads to a continuing in making some effort or arousing our energy to cultivate this capacity. I think that one of the things that arises almost immediately whenever we sit down and are still in the way that we do in the meditation practice that we do together here, and which is the core of a long sitting like Sashin, almost immediately we get to see something about the nature of mind, how busy our minds can be, all that chatter, and maybe even something about some of the qualities or characteristics of that chatter, the little voices that bring up judgment,

[06:05]

are you doing such and such as well as someone else is, or as well as you did yesterday, or very often what arises is some anger or fear. One of the things that I began to see quite vividly this past week was some quality of my mind which is like an eel, very slippery and quick, how quickly I would have some experience and immediately I was off and running with it. Somehow when I would walk into the Zen Dojo and I would first smell the incense in the room, immediately this thought arose, refried beans. I never was able to shake it, and by the time I would get thoroughly into the room I had a whole Mexican dinner in my mind,

[07:12]

and then I would remember, oh yes, it's the incense, but in fact what I had was initially some experience of smell and all the rest of it was added on. We, during Sashin, eat our meals together in a formal meditation posture here in this room, and during one of the meals when I was making some particular effort to be very careful and attentive to what I was chewing, I nearly dropped my spoon, and in fact early on in the Sashin I did actually manage to drop one chopstick, which is always wonderful because then the head server comes over carefully, slowly, picks up your chopstick, takes it up to the altar and bows, so everyone in the room gets to enjoy the fact that you dropped your chopstick,

[08:16]

and then brings it back and offers it to you. She didn't even wipe it off for me. The thing that was so wonderful in this week of sitting is that I think we did begin to cultivate some small degree of willingness, as each of us would make mistakes, to be kindly and friendly and sometimes a little bit amused, and in some way really grateful that we could just be ourselves, including our capacity to make some mistakes. Anyway, to return to what I was talking about in terms of this slippery mind, there I was, carefully chewing my macaroni and cheese, and my mind slipped off somewhere, so I almost dropped my spoon.

[09:23]

It just happened like a flash. One morning when I was doing the morning service, no, actually I think it was when I was opening the Zendo, and I got to the bowing mat and I went up and offered incense and then I came back, and I had a kind of physical sense of, now it's time to bow, and almost immediately some doubt came up. Oh my goodness, what am I supposed to do next? Which is always disaster in those situations. How often we have some first instinct about what to do in a situation, and then our mind, our little inner voice, brings up some doubt or question, and we slip away from some wider intelligence which is informing us, and are not sure what to do.

[10:25]

We interrupt ourselves in these ways, especially with this voice or series of voices that we have, like a number of cassette tapes, which seem to go on and off with a certain life of their own. Sometimes what arises is some feeling of fear, and then there are a series of comments, considerations, speculations about what might happen, which takes us off into the future, or brings us to reviewing the past, rather than staying present in this moment. Lots of times being quite fearful of making some mistake, or not being quite sure how to follow the rules, whatever they are,

[11:33]

what will happen if I do it wrong, maybe I won't quite measure up and they'll ask me to leave, or some resistance to following certain guidelines. One friend who was a part of the sitting this week, said she found herself having a great resistance to observing silence, and also practicing the practice of keeping eyes down, which is one of the practices that we observe during Sashin, keeping our eyes down so that we don't have the usual contact that happens when we make eye contact, when we're watching what other people are doing. And on the sixth morning of the Sashin, she finally said to herself, maybe I'll just try it for breakfast. I don't like not being able to talk and not being able to look around,

[12:37]

but I'll just try it for breakfast. And of course what arose for her in her willingness finally to follow these two particular practices, was that she suddenly realized how busy she had been, worrying about who was doing what and was everything taken care of, and being a caretaker in a situation where she was not actually asked to take care of anything except her own posture, her breath, her state of mind, and that she could actually let that all come to rest, because she was willing to observe silence and keep her eyes dropped to a few feet in front of her. I think that kind of thing happens for many of us in many situations,

[13:38]

but in particular when we do something like sitting down and being quiet for a little while. Dogen talks in one of his chapters, the one on birth and death, at the end of that chapter he makes a list about what to do to be a Buddha. At the beginning of the list he says, it's easy, all you have to do is, and then there's this not very long list. Easy things like, don't do evil. But one of the suggestions, one of the items on the list that I'm particularly interested in is, don't think or worry. And I find myself asking repeatedly, now what does he mean by don't think or worry?

[14:39]

And I think this kind of activity of the mind that I've been talking about, these are examples perhaps of what Dogen is pointing to. What happens when we allow all that worrying that we carry with us to subside for a little while? Or if it doesn't subside, to ask those voices to please sit down over there in the corner for a little while. I'll come back to you shortly, but right now I want to be quiet. Okay. Someone here who is reading Heraclitus noted one of Heraclitus' observations that we never stand on the same piece of the earth twice.

[15:41]

We never take the same breath twice. Each moment is unique and full. And can we be available to each moment? This practice of sitting meditation which we follow here, which is the core of our practice in life together at Green Lodge, is very much about sitting down and being still and allowing ourselves to be fully in each moment, just this moment, understanding that this moment is full and complete. And then there is this moment. When we really take on this possibility of being fully, wholeheartedly present,

[16:55]

we begin to have time for whatever arises. So if, for example, I am bowing and because I have my robe on, I have a particular cloth which I put down so that the robe is protected and does not touch the floor. If I'm really present and as I put the bowing cloth down, if it's a little askew, not exactly placed on the mat as I would hope it should be, I actually have time to adjust it. I'm not actually going anywhere. I'm not an actor or actress performing in front of other people. I am, for that moment, putting down the cloth and then I wear a bow. And if it needs to be adjusted, I have time to adjust the cloth. Some version of there is no place to go and nothing to do.

[18:10]

And for most of us in our ordinary lives, we can't even begin to consider such a possibility. But can you imagine what might happen if you are willing, if each of us is willing, once or twice a day to sit down quietly for a little while. And as we sit down quietly, to allow our back to be straight. Not muscles holding the back straight, but allowing the vertebra to be balanced. So we can sit with some ease. And to be with the breath as it arises and as it flows away. Can we imagine what may happen if we are willing to do that every day for a little while.

[19:14]

It seems so simple and yet I think for most of us our experience is that getting ourselves to sit down quietly in this way isn't so easy. We always have something else we need to do. But we can in fact sit down even if it's just for a few minutes. And from that stillness we may develop some capacity to be present with ourselves however we are. Recently I went shopping with my husband at a men's clothing store which some of you may know called Rochester's Digging Hall. And I realized this morning that it's a very Buddhist sort of store. Because it's a store in which it is completely okay to do whatever shape and size you want.

[20:22]

There's no editing about you're too tall, you're too heavy, your arms are too short, your legs are too long. They just greet you with whatever particular body you have and begin having some consideration about how to put together some clothes that you can wear around in the world. A kind of radical non-judgment about the customer. Which if you happen to be someone with an unusual shape you may be very grateful for. But in some ways we're all like that. When we sit down with ourselves we have some idea about how we should be or how we want to be. And so we think we should be going to, I don't know, some fancy men's store

[21:25]

that will produce some gorgeous creature in a three-piece suit. Except it doesn't quite fit. And we do that to ourselves. We try to jam ourselves into some person we think we should be without realizing that in each moment we are perfect and complete just as we are. If we can allow ourselves to wholeheartedly be who we are there is a kind of ease and capacity for living our lives fully and with other people that we can't imagine. The heart of the Buddhist teaching is that it's possible to live our lives without being possessive without being violent, and in fact to live our lives based on understanding and compassion.

[22:33]

But we have to begin right now with each breath and with ourselves as we actually are. Think for a moment about what it's like to be with somebody who is willing to be a kind of dummy, to make a mistake or be a little foolish, and how heartwarming it is to be with somebody like that. Because then it's a little more possible for me to be like that. I don't have to pretend to be more perfect than I am. I don't have to pretend in any way to be other than the way I am. There's a man who has written a book I find quite useful named Eugene Genwin.

[23:37]

He's written a book called Focusing, and in his book he talks about how we live with ourselves as if we were living with a roommate we didn't like very much. So I guess what I'm advocating is our ability to be awake and present in each moment begins with being with the roommate or roommates that we are, with some kindness and affection and patience, and a willingness to look at whatever arises no matter what it is, and to be still and awake with whatever it is that arises, including all of those sensations and feelings and thoughts which we somehow think should go away or aren't quite good enough,

[24:39]

like fear and doubt and anxiety, whatever. Each of us has our own special list. Thank you. Charlotte was saying as we walked over here to the window that watching someone's face during sashimi, each day she could see that person's face change. It's a kind of softening up process, so that by the end of the seventh day there was this room full of us with a kind of softness with ourselves and with each other. And what I would like to do this morning is to ask each of you

[25:40]

to let yourselves have that softness in whatever way you can, and to encourage you to, in whatever way you can, try sitting down once or twice a day and being quiet for a little while, sitting with your back as straight as you can have it be, and let your attention settle with your breath in whatever way it will come and go. And see what happens. Sometime during the week, I went outside during the break just after breakfast, here on the lawn just outside the zendo, so it must have been about eight o'clock in the morning, and it was one of those mornings that was clear after a night of rain,

[26:43]

and there were nine robins situated on the lawn quite carefully, some good amount of space among the robins, so they were situated almost like a painting, and they were absolutely stock still, best Zazen I had seen for some while. It made me laugh actually to see these nine robins standing there very still, and I stood and watched them for quite a long time, they just, they didn't move. So then when there was a short break a little later in the morning at 11.15, I went out again, and indeed they were all there, in fact they had invited some friends over, but this time they were very busy,

[27:43]

and initially I was quite encouraged by how still they were when I first saw them. I did a whole number about their being practitioners of the way. I asked my husband later what he thought they were doing, and he said they were waiting for the worms to wake up, which sounded right. But while they were standing there, they were standing absolutely still, with great robin ease. What I'd like to ask each of you to do today is to treat yourselves to sitting down quietly in this way, and to consider the possibility of doing that practice with friendliness with yourself,

[28:49]

and to suggest that if you do that, your experience with yourself and with the whole world may seem a little different. Out of this ground arises mindfulness, concentration, joy, energy, equanimity, and calmness. Ways of being that we all cherish, when we can remember to consider that it's possible to be a person with these qualities. Which, of course, it is. It's actually not so hard to do, either. All we have to do is just do it. Figure out some time each day when we'll sit down

[29:55]

and make a kind of promise. Each of us can make a promise to ourselves that we will sit down, even if it's just for a few moments, and hang out with ourselves in this way. Lots of people have done it for a long time, and it seems to bring some benefit, simply from being quiet in this way. So I hope you'll all try it for yourselves and see what happens. Thank you very much.

[30:40]

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